here kitty kitty,,... yep you're a pussy

In our life we see things as we want to see them. We shape our own perceptions and in this we wrap our life up in nice little packages. We accept doses of how things should be in small easy to consume individually wrapped slices. We sample and never really take a bite out of things. Those that do openly feast on life are often times ridiculed and shunned for being so brazen. They enjoy life, when of course they should be emaciated and miserable. In this I am not talking about that spare tire that droops over your belt kind of self indulgence, but the kind that makes your heart happy. It is the one that you experience when your soul sores and you are truly free to actually enjoy the world around you.

We get tied down to tomorrows that never come, and we reflect on the past so much we forget to watch where our feet are now. When the only thing we really have is this moment right here. Nothing more exist than this moment, yet we are so worried about the next that we forget to enjoy it. Not that wild abandon of a self loathing addict, but the true joy that comes from understanding the miracle in every breath. There is joy out there, there is joy in all things, but we are the being douche canoes and refuse to see it.

When is the last time you declared to yourself that you loved anything? I am not talking about someone, but something? Some action, or movement? When is the last time you feel in love with a hot shower, or a warm bowl of oatmeal? When is the last time you actually enjoyed a moment without regard to the next moment? I am writing this tired as hell of course, so bare with me and try to follow my train of thought.

We are only as happy as we let ourselves be. Love is there if only we can love ourselves. There is not promise of tomorrow, and the past is set in stone. Regrets are the parking tickets for those sitting on the side of the road. Do something, allow yourself to enjoy it, and get into life and off your ass. You wonder what it would be like to sky dive? Well don't wonder, go out and try it. You wonder what a beer taste like at Oktoberfest in Nuremberg? Go, try it. You can make excuses, but you only got this life right now.

You could die at any time. When you are pushing up daises and waiting to meet your maker, are you going to be sitting there looking at some bucket list filled with regrets and self loathing? Or are you going to say you used up this life like a good pair of running shoes. That is how I look at my body and this shot in this world. It is something to be used up. It is a disposable plastic cup with your name on it. You can either go to the party, or you can let it get tossed in the recycle bin. Personally I am gonna go into the after life with a fucking hangover of epic portions, so high on life that my head will throb for at least part of the after life.

There are many stories to be had. There are many yet to be written. My breath is my pen, and the rest of the world is full of some self loathing Emo pussies, so I know the lines to good rides will be short. Think about this when you go to bed tonight, what would my eulogy say about me? What things have I wanted to do but let fear keep from me?

Some people go through life, others run through it and knock it on its ass while they do a touch down dance. So make things happen, enjoy the moment and stop being one of those self loathing assholes. Life is worth loving. Life is worth giving a chance. Breath my friend, just breath. Chase those dreams and feast on life. It will bring a smile to you when you are looking at death, and make that Grim Reaper nervous as shit when they come to collect you.

Life must be better in the shade,..

I think so many  people are wrapped up in their bullshit so tight that they are not getting enough air to breath. Left, right, it does not seem to matter. The left is calling Romney for his short comings and doing their best to cover up our Presidents faults. On the right they are bashing and preaching hate as they try to deflate the faults that Romney has put out there. It is just worse, followed by the gravely immoral popularity contest that our political system has degraded too.

Elephant, Donkey, it really does not matter much. Either way the only thing that come out of them is shit or piss. I really do not want either of them. Obamacare is based on a program that Romney created and started in his state, yet Romney wants to distance himself from it. Obama sees the voting reform as an issue when it is convenient for him. The whole screwing with soldiers rights to vote is pretty damn shady. Numbers are reported that favor the issue, and I know I have friends that will push what ever numbers suit their agenda as well.

Let me break down facts for you guys. Things that are important to me. This is the essence of my politics. I do not like shady shit. Do not lie to me to get me to swing your way. Do not bend, mold, or twist the truth. I do not want hand outs, or entitlements. I will take those things I have earned. My healthcare through the VA is not free. I paid for it with blood and more risk than many of you would ever take in your life, don't fuck with it. I have given up many of my rights to defend yours, this does not mean that I do not want to enjoy my free speech when I get out. Hell my silence is a method of free speech as well. Yes an AR15 is a modern musket. I do believe that everyone could and should own and use one, but there is no reason a civilian should own a crew serve belt fed people killer, though I think the intent of keeping the government from oppressing the people through military force means that you could own them.

Nothing shady there. Pretty damn clear, though this is not an area of agreement with most people I know. I will go further into the issues that people seem to have in the headlines now. First off I do not see how if a dude wants to suck off another dude is going to effect my ability to find a job? What you do behind closed doors is your damn business, not mine. You want to get your guts pulled out to get rid of the evidence of poor social choices, that's your business too. I really do not see how a shaky hand teenager getting an abortion is going to affect our GDP?  However that same young couple forced to face up to the consequences of their actions might have a negative impact on my life. Welfare, WIC, or other publicly funded programs that help pay for that child that they never should have made pull on my tax dollars. So do what you do, and I really do not care what your concept of God thinks about the morality of it. You want to force your morals on other people, look at your own shit first.

If I go to a foreign country and break their laws, I expect to go to jail. I do not expect to see cops from other countries enforcing their laws in my country though. I try to keep that in mind with pushing to bring my religious beliefs into law. I go to your church, I am expected to follow your view of morality, but you preach to me in the streets, I am gonna beat you down. Your life is yours, and before you start trying to live mine for me, try making sure its not because yours sucks. You do not get a re do through me asshole.

So be forward in your politics and stay the fuck out of my life. We will be okay in this. Sure the shade is where people want to be, but you can't grow the edible stuff with substance, without some sun and rain. Shady people are fungus. While people like mushrooms, I do not want to be one. I have no desire to live in the dark being shoveled full of shit. I really do not care who the fuck you want to blame for the problems, I want to hear your solutions though. Negative ad's just prove you're an asshole. Tearing others down is easy and just shows you have no ideas of your own. Get out of the shade, step into the sun, and be a fucking American. Not that arrogant fat tourist demanding to be treated like a god in whatever country they are a guest in, but that American that we were, and can be again. Be that straight shooting, doer, with a can do attitude that created a true super power and bailed out so many people in two world wars. Be that kind of American, and stop being a shady self centered douche.

XxX files

It is up to us as people to figureout what is important and what is not important. This is the the secret to this struggle we call life. We wrap ourselves in ideas and beliefs. We see the world for what we thing the world is, and we believe this to be the truth. We hear what others feel the world is and we belive this to be truth. We do this in spite of what we see in the world as the truth of reality. The beauty of this truth is that it does not need the belief of others to be true.

In this we try daily to convence ourselves that the world is something that it is not. It is something less than we want it, so we build it up in our mind and lend it it's importance. I am not refering to the world in this regard, but rather our fucked up view of it. In the scale of importance our view of the world is not what lends it strength. It has a strength that is self derived. It is like our strength should be.

Instead we steal our strength from the deeds and validation of others. People feel that they need to be in your life to be important, and cannot except that they are important enough to me to be in my life. It is their inportance that allows them into my not the need to be in my life that makes them important. There actually is a difference.

So you go out and worryabout the car you drive. You go out and worry about what consumer goods you can grab onto. You worry about all that crap that you think matters to people, and I will think about those things that actually have real lasting value. In this I find what really holds worth to me. In this I find the truth of this reality.

You can try your damnest to force me into your train of thought. I will not offer your perception of truth any weight. I have been out in this bright blue world, and seen its ugly, and its pretty face. It has both and they are those in the extreme. You see glory in the greatness. You see shame in the faliures of it. While the beauty is beholden in nature, the horrible convictions belong completly to man. It is our hearts, and the lies we hold onto in them that is the true horror of this world. Nothing more. Nothing less.

These are the things we choose to hold too. It is these that we grab onto and display. We wear our tradgedy as badges. We parade our failures to show our worth. We cling to those negative things like we are going to use them to buy sympathy in a swap meet of pity. We are the sad face of the world. We refuse to the see the truth of what could and should be.

When you see that you are your own person; that you are this person by choice, then and only then will you know the truth of the world. Then and only then will you be free of the craptastic garbage that is shoveled down your ope hole. The gultony of your ego unchecked is what prevents you from seeing and acknowledging the truth of this world. Not your truth, not my truth, but the truth. The truth is we are shallow selfish creatures. The truth is we are the the source of evil in this world. We are the greatest obstacle to the joy and peace fo the next life, being brought to bare here in this one.

So what bagage do you cling too? What load do you carry on tired shoulders? Why do you do this? I will tell you this; while you are engaged in a pissing contest, I am gonna go out and enjoy my life. The sun will be upon my face, the wind upon my bach; whilst you are there standing with piss soaked feet. Your truth is nothing, my truth is nothing. The truth is out there though. The truth is out there is you are willing to see it.

Word to your Mutha

We have this tendency to get wrapped up in words. While words have power, it is only the power that we give them. They are hollow without meaning or intent. They only have the value that we place upon them, and only hold the weight we give them. They are sounds and syllables. They are nothing more than smoke.

So what do we give to our words, and the words of others that place them above so many other things?  What part of self tells us that this should hurt? What part of us tells us to clamor for these audible markers of validation? Why do we need to hear the words of others, or have others hear our words? 

So many words have offered to change our life. We let them replace the change we need to make, and they are the chrysalis that transforms us. Good or bad we let them do the work for us, and bring these changes in our life. It is the power we give to words that shape our view of the world around us. We do as we are told; we listen to the drum beat droning of language. In this we find meaning and purpose.

That is the sad reality of the world we live in. In this the truth can be found, that those words we value so much are nothing without the meaning we give them. It is the meaning that has the power. It is in understanding the value and view we give to post guttural utterances. Language is twisted to purpose, and instead of it serving us; we end up serving it. 

What words do you want to hear, what desires do you need to have confirmed. Saying I love you seem to have more value than actually being in love. We so desire to have people tell us the impact we have them, as if there is no worth in us until it is confirmed through verbal acknowledgement of our existence. Why can’t these actions be reward or confirmation enough? Why can’t we be happy without someone telling us it is okay or justified? Why can’t we just be happy with being happy?

Why do we allow the words of others to affect us with astonishing resolve? What value does the word fuck have? Why do we own words like lazy? Why do we own them, even If they are not tied directly to us? Why do we let our personal guilt and doubt manifest in the words of others? Why is it we allow this happen? 

In this thought I have decided through my own willful vindication, that I will personally no longer allow words to have more value than  actions. I will also no longer feel good or bad based on how somebody else chooses to react to my words. I am no longer your guilty conscience or the feeder of your self importance. If you don't like it, fuck you. Put what ever value you want on that.

What would YOU do... thats more important.

I find these times we live in to be way to interesting. People are talking about things and they seem ready to convince me on how wrong I am, rather than listen to both sides of a story. We are so focused on that being right rather than someones rights that we lose sight of the bigger picture. We lose sight of the things that should hold value. We lose sight of the issues that hold us together as a people. Our own sense of morality slips away, because we are so busy fighting each other one things that do not matter. How about these simple things that we can look into; If you do not agree with someone, why must they agree with you so that you can exist and be happy?

Look I really do not have any desire to put a dick on, in, or near my body, but I love it when a woman agrees to let me do it to her. At the end of the day if two dudes want to do that, what harm does it really do to me? I do not share my conquest with them in graphic detail, and most of the gay dudes I know share the same level of respect. It may be your religious views that say this is wrong, well that's fucking great. Its something you feel is wrong, so don't do it. It is not on you if somebody else decides to do it. That being said why are you still arguing about it?

Now if you really want to compare it something, and see where your views lie in this matter of extremism and oppression you do not need to look far to compare. You want to try and force your views on someone, lets look at the Westborro Baptist Church. These are people that even neonazi extremist think are assholes. They constantly tell people about what they feel is wrong. They constantly stick their noses in other peoples business. They constantly look to validate their morality by drawing you into it. Now think about that the next time you go spewing your personal views on people like they are some kind of manifesto. Which side of the line do you stand on when it comes to douchebaggery.

Extremes are extremes, does not matter if they are left or if they are right. Liberal Fascist are still fucking fascist. If you really have to push your views down other peoples throats to feel right about yourself than maybe you need to seriously think about where your weakness is. Why do you feel the need to force your views on others and what gives you the right to do so? I find it hard to talk to some of my friends on both sides of the spectrum, they see things their way, and they see them so hard their way that they fish and look for support of their views, and find it their personal mission to try and sway others to their view without giving ground on their own. I also have friends that have their views but will at least listen to yours, and that is the reason those people remain my friends, and the prior group typically do not last long.

In that later group, I have a bud that really wants to talk to me about opposing views about the Stolen Valor act. It boils down to him seeing that we have a constitutional right to lie, and me saying that is bullshit. While his argument thus far is very logical, and I can see his stance clearly, he really does have interest in hearing what I have to say. Even if it might just be to see how the other side thinks. In this you see the reason he is my friend. You see he sees the world very differently from me, and in this we both bring something different to the table. I also like to think that by talking to each other we stop ourselves from narrowing our field of vision like the WBC and other groups that are out there that feel their cause is so damn important that they have to cram it down our throats whilst we eat our dinners in front of the boob tube. The easiest way to become an extremist is to only hang out with people that think like you.

So the only thing I ask is that if you are seeing something, or hearing about something that really has no valid impact on you, other than it offends you, think about what you do about it. Think to yourself if you could see the WBC protesting it too, and how much of a douche you are for protesting it. At the end of the day, does it really affect you, or those you know if some stranger is getting laid? Does it really change who you are because your neighbor worships differently from you? Does it take food off your table if somebody gets a tattoo? What impact does it have on your life what people do with their own? Unless they are coming into your house and standing on your coffee table sharing their views like you do, do it really affect you in any way? If it continues to bother you than why not move to a country that shares your views and leave my Constitution alone.

Off my chest, nuff said.

Most people got through life and only really know sacrifice through the actions of others. We talk of the things that are worthy of sacrifice and I will say most of you have it completely fucking wrong. They speak mighty words of self importance and take ownership of deeds, like they were fucking there. Because your brothers friends cousin from high school was on a cruise ship in the gulf when the rest of the big boys were living in a shit hole that smelled like a rancid dead truckers ass. You see the sacrifice was not just the time that people shot at you. The sacrifice was not about all the yellow ribbon barbeques held in your honor that you had to miss. It sure as hell was not yours to claim, or say that you had a part of this just because you went to Wally World and bought a yellow magnet to slap on the back of your sheep hauler.

You see what the real sacrifice was, well it was in the time you spent waiting. It was in all the lines. It was in the process of the process that the mighty military machine rolls on. Fill this form, wait here. You can't go until everyone is ready. It was in those things that people will not understand that could not be there. The short cans of bliss we called RipIt's. It was in that banner of truth and justice we call the PT belt. It was in some desk jockey TOC roach, yelling at you for having your sunglasses around your neck, on your head, or sticking out of a pocket after you just spent those hours he was getting his failed attempt at beauty sleep riding in an oven on wheels just waiting for some guy to take a shot at you that you will never hear coming.

It is in that you find true sacrifice. I truly believe that the military is compromised of the nations elite, simply based on our ability to creatively deal with bullshit that most people in the rest of the world would not, or could not, understand. The sacrifice of your sanity, and the sacrifice of you ability to relate to anyone else after this experience. The constant state of high alert that rarely results in these glorious actions that other people had before you. Its that paranoia of garbage on the side of the road. Its hating a whole fucking culture because they took away the innocent joy of your favorite holiday, because fireworks now make you think other things for the first few seconds.

You get to hear about how assholes that never seen a military contract want to change or modify yours and not release you from your obligation in the process. Yeah you all want your free health care, well let me grab my helmet because I will go fight for you to get retarded shit. Our country can barely pay its contracts and obligations to those that it said it would, and now they want to renege on that agreement and start making the VA take co-pays. Yet we just say yes sir, keep our heads down and bitch about it under muttered breath. This is yet another sacrifice that you guys will not understand.

If I hear one more politician talk about all the sacrifices Americans have to make in order to restore the country to its rightful place, well that is when I see a lot of us not bowing our heads anymore. I see us lowering our shoulders and taking a T-Rex like posture that others will call the low ready, and the civilian call of duty playing ass hats. Seriously if one more person tells me how much of a sniper bad ass they are, or how they are so gonna own the world around them with their ninja skills, it just makes me check if the weapon is on safe. Its a slow slide of the thumb to correct that, and so many other things wrong with the world.

You see the sacrifice is not yours to claim. It is not yours to wave around with pride. You are not my fucking family. If you are in my family than my honor is yours to share, but even this the sacrifice is mine or solely that of the person that actually made the damn sacrifice. So please stop telling me you understand. Please stop telling me all the great ideas you have to fix shit. Understand I actually have not issues with my job. Understand that I look forward to the next time my country calls. I look forward setting in dark places with those of higher character. I look forward to being free of broken promise. I look forward to the sacrifice of sanity. I look forward to a gaggle fuck reigned tightly by a PT belt wear sunglasses in the middle of the night on the way to the port-a-shitter.

Happy Feat.

So here I am doing the irresponsible and taking a break from homework. This is turning out to be a very droll assignment. However in the research that I am doing I have found some interesting things out, and even moved into other realms of thought. You know that means that I compulsively share them with you all. Why? Not because I care, or need the accolades of my adoring fan. It is because sharing these thoughts gets them out of my head, and then into yours like an annoying song you only hear a bit of and hum the rest of the day.

So in looking into my paper, I am delving into the scales of maturity in regards to politics. Looking at the more mature paths that a political movement can take, and gauging their potential too succeed based on the resulting behavior of those choices. In looking at the variety of potential paths and choices that political movement can take, and the means they use to move down that path, I have seen correlations between movements, and us as individuals. There is a gauge we can see the success of a person based on their choices, and their ability to cling to things.

So in this you see the young minded put all their eggs in one basket, they link to an idea or concept that has failed before, or is so idealistic that it removes the possibility of realistic success. The juvenile mind likes to fantasize about things and make them more glorious than they really are. It is almost like our memory works to do that one thing we can't seem to do. Our mind, if in a group or all by itself, seems to want to really allow us to be happy. It will even lie to us, the keepers of its gray matter, to force us to be happy.

You want proof, think about your first love, or maybe a loved one. What comes to mind first. What thoughts do you have of them? How polished are those thoughts? How much effort do you have to make to get tot he shit they did that pissed you off? How much do we delude ourselves to be happy? How much do we cling to failed concepts to be happy? You see the key to this is to understand that our brains want us to be happy, and they do not care how we get there. It takes those things that we think make us happy, and it then fabricates our perception of reality around those things. It does this with the best intentions in order to make us think that we are truly happy.

So why is it so important to be happy that we lie to ourselves? Why do we need so bad to be happy? Well I say the answer is simple, why the fuck not? We inhibit our own happiness because we do not think we are worthy and we continue to cling to the idea of happiness and make ourselves much more miserable than we should be. We deny ourselves indulgences based on the perceived value that our own lies have given us. We tell ourselves that because we were happy with X person, that we need another person to be happy. Bullshit. We tell ourselves that we need X thing, because one moment when we thought we were happy we had that thing, and we can only be happy again if we have another thing to do the same thing.

Happiness is not Disney Land, or a gun range with free ammo. Happy is not something that is done to you, but rather something that you allow yourself to be. It should not be mistaken for comfort, because compliance is apathy, not happiness. Happy is not making sure everybody else agrees with you, that fucking compliance dumb ass. Happiness is often the gift of the young, because their minds have not lied enough to them to confuse them. They can just be happy without reason, where the hell do we lose that as a person? What age do we turn to and decide that happiness can not just be happiness without external factors?

So in that, I am not a commodity to be traded. I am not a thing to own or possess. I am not a goal. You should not be either. I am happy when I want to be, which is more often than not. I do not need anyone in my life to be happy. I do not need those consumer goods to be happy. I do not need anyone to tell me how to be happy, nor do I need their permission. This happiness is mine and it is stronger, because it is more mature and based on reason. It is that childhood bliss, but it is a bliss I understand and appreciate. So if you can't understand that, you don't need to regulate it, modulate it, or try to restrict it. You can find it on your own without trying to take it from me. Try it, and then you will see those rare moments when I am not happy and I will smile like Agent K when I defend my happiness by all the means it deserves. I am the center of my own universe, centered with myself, but not self centered. There is a difference. Oh yeah, I am also happy, and if you are not, get the fuck over yourself. Leave me be.