Naturally so.

Living in Colorado I the pleasure of being exposed to a great many things. Each one of them offers a little different insight in life. You see the mountains that stand so tall, against the contrast of the plains. Skiers flock here. Trails are a great way to see the wild and untamed regions that actually do exist in this urban world we live in. There are so many anologies for life that you can you find when you actually look at life. You might even figure a few things out that make us a people worse at life than every other species on the planet.

The mountain lion does not hate you, he just wonders how you taste. Predators do not attack out of malice, regardless of what you saw in the Lion King. A squirel does not ask for sustiance but will take it if provided. It is not theft, its survival. A bird does not build their nest to impress their neighbors, a bird builds a nest to impress a mate and keep the species going. Yet we find ourselves getting wrapped up in crap that really does not matter.

I look to those basic things we claim as human rights, and wonder how many of them are just things that we made up to make ourselves feel more important. I look at all those issues that we look to that seperate us from the rest of the billions of species on the planet. In this I wonder how much of it is us trying so hard to seperate us from life itself? Why do we have to be better in a material sense? Why can't we better in a spiritual sense?

Some how getting other people to take care of me is a human right now. I demand that healthcare be a universal right? Sure health care is awesome, but the bear gets by without it. I say the rights are the freedom to go on living. You should be able to speak you mind without someone trying to take it, but if your vision is to take anothers life to defend you so called way of life, then you are not within your rights. This is solely a human act, and not one that could be considered a right by any means. Retirement is a concept we developed, an animal just goes on with life until its over. So why do we have to have more?

This is the true human condition, we want more than the comfortable survival. We are vain and greedy. We can not be happy with our life if we feel somebody else is doing better. We can not be happy with our own happiness. We can not be happy with our own children. We have been conditioned to keep pushing for more and more, and demanding more and more. We do not want to get it on our own because we are special little snowflakes that demand that others give it to us, like we are some conquering king and deserve tribute.

What have you done to improive your own life? What efforts have you put in your own hands? Have you built your own dependence on others like they tells us not to do? There are signs in most park lands that say clearly do not feed the animals, because it makes them dependent on us. They get lazy and do not work to feed themselves any longer. Yet we are looking to be fed ourselves. We want others to spoon feed us success by taking away from others that have proven to be succesful. So I ask you now what is naturual?

Purple Rain on your wedding day.

The purple thing got me thinking, especially after seeing all the hate coming from both sides of a particular issue. Now both sides are going to get pissed when I say that this particular issue is a non and issue, and they are wasting their time. Now many of them do not mind wasting their time with this non issue because they see the whining as getting them attention. They inflame people and expect them to magically move over to their side because they of course must be true because they live a certain way. This non issue has been used to effect the lives of humans for thousands of years. So many people wrapped up in something that is so silly, and only has the value to the persons that are actively involved. You can't sell it, but it can be bought.

With all that mysterious hoopla to draw you in, let me ask you a question? Do you love the person you are currently with? How you loved other people before? Do you think you will love again? Did you ever find the true meaning and satisfaction of your love in a greeting card? Seriously did a hallmark moment really alter you in such a way that you had a profound realization of love? Most likely not, unless you are an over emotional fucktard with serious mental issues. Most adults do not need permission to fall in love, nor do they need a sheet of paper to declare it. In this the whole damn concept of marriage is bullshit. Yet we get in line to bond ourselves to another and spend thousands of dollars to do it. Now I bet there are a lot of people going holy shit this guy is a dick. You are immediately thinking I am taking a negative stance about what ever side of the fence you are on in this regards. “Oh he must be a homophobe and against gay marriage” or “He must be the anti Christ and against protecting the sanctity of marriage”.

Well I can assure you I am not a homophobe. Personally I could care less about what two adults do with their free time behind closed doors. I might be the anti Christ for all I know, but I really don't care enough about it to destroy the world. I am inherently lazy, I thought it was mono once, but nope I am just to lazy to destroy the world. So in this I am going to paint a clear picture and make it clear what the extreme middle or the purple platform for marriage is; Marriage is a contract between two people regarding inheritance. This means that you can resolve the issue with a last will and testament. The government should only have a say in it for the sake of property distribution upon the death of one of the partners. You want a sanctimonious ceremonial affirmation of your love, then do it in the church of you choice. In the aspect of all other “benefits” of marriage you can look to other contract issues or laws to correct them. You want to give your insurance over to someone, you list them as your executor. You want to help someone immigrate to your country, you sponsor them. You want to have kids, or adopt, get a blood test to make sure you are not related or adopt from a place that just wants to find homes for children without using a platform of their own self serving goals.

Deregulate marriage. Let the religious institutions control their own concepts of what is approved through their own doctrine, and separate the church from the state. The federal government has no business regulating the views of religion or another. This is how you protect the separation of church and state. If you can not do this, then you must recognize the views of ALL religions, and their right to all views of marriage. This means in some churches it is okay for a man and man to get married, therefore you must allow it. You must also allow a man (or woman) to have multiple spouses if their beliefs support that. If you make it about religion, or at least your religion, then you have to admit you are promoting your views and you views only. The Taliban did a great job of this. So either take all religious views into account, or you take none of them.

This to me is the ideal state of marriage. You either get married and have it recognized but the state as your religious practice, with them bearing no say in if your views are valid or not, or you make it a contract agreement between adults with no religious merit for the sole purpose of property distribution and assumption of responsibility between the two parties. In this the problem is solved and we move the fuck on. This has been an issue for a long long time. It controlled noble blood lines for thousands of years, there by mixing religion and politics. If you want to really move on, separate them. It seemed really damn important to those that started this country, maybe there is something to it?

Purple Rain

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Purple, the answer is purple.

Brilliant huh? Wait you don't get it? What the hell is wrong with you? Well lets see people keep talking about Red states, and Blue states. Well if you take red and blue and mix them, you get purple. To simple huh? The issue is not this division that the media perpetuates. It is not in the corporate motivations in keeping us divided. It is in us using common sense to take our country back. It is not about your God, or what some high powered preacher tells you is that Gods will. It is not about your own private agenda, or those things you feel you are entitled too. It is about some dudes in a field being led across a river by some dude with wooden teeth. It is about a dude they named a beer after, the finest of the Boston Lagers. Its about no taxation without representation. It is about concepts that do not recognize a incorporated entity as a person. It is about many things and those things are purple.

In being purple they are universal truths that some one that sees red or blue can not deny as the truth. It is in the balance of understanding what it means to be neighbors, and countrymen. It is not about all the free crap you can get, but rather being able to get the crap you need. Being purple is really being American, and opposed to being a republican or democrat. It is okay to be one of them, but never one over being American first. In this I form my own political opinion.

You see I am not a fan of socialized medicine for an entire nation. I am for the government provided regulation and guidance that prevents enterprise from exploiting people. I do not believe that health care is a right, however access to live saving medicine is. I am not going to pay for your Viagra, boob job, or medical procedures that are needed because of your own doing. If you are obese, I am not here to support your blood pressure pills, knee surgery, McDonald's habit, or diabetes medicine. However if a child is struck by a car and finds out they have cancer, well the amount of money in his parents bank account should not dictate his ability to survive. So universal health care, no, but a right to live saving medicine, yes. Emergency care for the sick, yes. Treatment of some tweaker that overdosed, Hel no. This is my purple answer.

I am okay with a flat tax, or taxes in general. Roads do not pave themselves, our teachers need paid, our borders need protection, and our interest abroad need to be defended. I do not want my tax dollars dumped into every bleeding heart program regardless of success ratios. I am not about taking care of you when you lose a job as much as I am about ensuring an environment that can provide you a job. In this I am also about the natural social evolution. We are not ditch diggers, nor a nation of manual labor anymore. The industrial revolution has ended and we have moved into a technical age. This means I could give a shit about migrant workers taking those jobs, or them being outsourced to some foreign shore. I am about a focus on education and the assumption of more technical jobs and more service oriented industry that requires skilled labor being the focus of our great nation.

Now in this people may find I am a bit draconian, but I could care less what they think. You see I have issue with people becoming to reliant on their government (or any one else for that matter) over their government being reliant on them. I will provide those things my nation needs, and not require anything more than the tenants of the Constitution for my nation. In this I am stronger and can better represent the true ideas of my country. I think that the more of a “safety net” we build for our people, the more they grow compliant. Complacency leads to stagnation, and stagnation to extinction. You grow soft in the middle and weak in the arm, these leads others to challenge you for the top spot. Risk is part of adventure and life is about adventure. Risk dictates reward.

However in this lubby dubby hippie fueled love fest our culture is turning into something that is about indulgence rather than the survivability of our ideas, and more focused on self indulgence rather than continued growth of the ideal state. Warm, dry, full. These are the basic tenants for life, but they are not enough to ensure the immortality of your culture. Decadence and false expectations take us away from the true path that makes a nation great. I do not have rosed colored eyes, rather purple. I look to the middle, the extreme middle. This is what this all about.

Vote,.. or play with crayons.

Tomorrow is the last day to register to vote at govotecolorado.com. So regardless of how you are going to vote, you should register. I have my reasons for voting the way I am voting. I am not trying to promote a party. I am not about forcing my ideas on others. This process is one of great importance, and what has made our country so damn awesome for its hundreds of years of existence. You see you are giving the chance to participate in this great experiment. There are many things on the table that you actually get a say in.

In Colorado we have few measures on the bill, aside from the presidential race. There are seats in congress, the senate, a few judges, and even a measure to legalize pot in the state for personal use. There is so much going on, and it should be entertaining. So the question that is out there right now, is will you stand on the way side or at least get your views out there? You see, that is the important part. We all have a responsibility to enable this to be effective. We have to show the whole purpose of this experiment.

Based on this, this incidentally is the core of the reason I vote the way I vote. You see the government is not about charity or making life better for others. It is about all those things a federal government should provide for those in its borders, but what makes us different is supposed to be an acceptance of responsibility. It is not an exercise in denial. You see we as Americans can not blame our government for our woes, because this government is supposed to be of the people, by the people, not some ominous council of assholes telling us how to live our life.

This is why we vote. This is why we vote on all the things that we can. This is why we inform ourselves on the process and those bills, persons, or referendums put before our vote. We do not vote like its a menu of things we want, we do not look to desert. We look to the options of things that require our attention in order to be responsible for our own governance. This is the reason we vote. It is not about opinion, but belief. This process is not about being popular and expressing your hipster idealism. It is about responsibility, it is about doing what is right for your community, your country, not just yourself.

Regardless of how you feel about whomever is running on what ever platform, you need to consider all the options and look through all the thirty second sound bites full of bullshit. It not about you, it is not about what you can get out of it, but it is about participating in a lasting legacy of self reliance. It is about telling the world that Americans actually do not need to be told what do. You have freedoms, but the greater gift is what that freedom affords. You see you can be truly free like that child dancing in the field in the summer sun, or you can enjoy the real freedom most people ignore. You see the freedom you really have is the chains of responsibility. You have the choice of what to do with your life because you accept responsibility for it. One of those responsibilities is to vote.

So what ever campaign they use to get you to the booth, embrace it. Rock the Vote, Buy the Vote, or what ever crap you need to get you out there to accept your responsibility to your own freedom. This is what I mean when I say that people ignore the sacrifice of the soldiers that came before us. The men and women from the early days, like Valley Forge, bleed and died to insure you had the right to take that personal responsibility.

Speak the truth, or live it

Believe it or not today I want to talk about something that is not political today. Now of course it can be applied to political beliefs, but in essence this is more of life philosophy. I love to read. I enjoy a well thought out story. I love to see the trials and tribulation of others unfold before me for entertainment. Drama is great when put upon a stage. I am not a fan of drama off the stage though. Now I have discussed in detail about drama in previous post, today though I am going to build on one aspect of your life that gets rid of drama in your life. There is no better way to kill drama outside of living in truth.

You see truth is something that can take away bullshit in your life. Look at almost any TV and see all the crap piled on the characters. Think about how little of the crap could be piled on them if they just spoke the truth. Now living the truth does not mean you are a moral upstanding citizen. Let us look at one of my favorite TV drama's and see how truth can be more efficient, yet not make you a morale individual. Now if the characters in Sons of Anarchy lived in truth it would make the show less entertaining, but it would make the Club much more effective.

Clay, the president of the Motorcycle club when the first episode is aired, is living a lie, wrapped in a lie. He has to lie constantly to his step son, his brothers, and even his wife. He killed his step sons father, and has to cover that secret up with lie after lie. Incidentally Jax's father, JT or John Teller if you will, was the most truthful individual in the MC, but inevitably was able to be killed because he strayed from the truth. He spurned a woman, and that woman was in a position to help Clay become president. In the process the MC was still in the gun business, Clay is the prez, Gemma has her son, and its all built on lies.

As the show unfolds you see the need to lie as tool to protect the club. Jax's wrestles each episode with his need to be a better man, and this misconception of what is needed to protect his fathers club. He lies to his old lady, his best friend, his mother, his step father, even his brothers, and it does nothing but reap death and destruction for SAMCRO. His mother plots against his old lady. Many of his brothers, even his best friend are sacrificed to lies. Some of the lies are not his, they belong to his step father, yet they still impact people in a dramatic way since Jax does not want tell the truth to everyone based on protecting the club.

In the end it would be a boring show if people lived the truth but more people would be alive, and there would be less looking over the shoulder. The Pope would never had to light that girl on fire if Clay had told the truth. If none of this makes sense to you, watch the show. Its worth it. I love it. Great melodrama that is very little like real life, however it can teach you a lot about life, brotherhood, and what it means to belong. If you apply truth to the story it would be a great world to live in, at least for cats like me.

If you want peace, embrace the truth. The truth should be spoken to shed light on dark deeds. Truth should be stated in all deeds. It does not mean you have to be the bastion of goodness, just truthful. Doing the “right” thing and telling the truth are not always the same thing. Also telling the truth does not mean living the truth. Living the truth is all about being truthful in your deeds, because even truthful words don't mean shit if you don't back them up with action. If you state you hate something, but let it go on you are not being truthful to yourself.

So understand if say I am going to beat your face if you don't shut up, in order to live truthful I have to back it up. If I just threaten or have no intent of backing my words, they are hollow show pieces meant to increase my social status. If you want to measure a man, look to his words, and see how many times he actually lived their truth. Look to the record of deeds that are his life. Decide if those you deal with live the truth, or just talk the truth. Ask yourself how much of the truth lives in yours own life.

Confused? You will be.

So as that first snow falls, I am sipping on my morning coffee. It is a very smooth blend. It is so smooth that it is almost sweet. The light cold in contrast to the dark warmth I hold in my hands brings my attention to so many things. It lets me know that the world is in a constant state of transition. Things are not always what they seem. The world is always working to get somewhere that we are not. The wold wants balance, and we seem to want growth. That growth comes from conflict, but in the end we will have balance. Nature is a force of, well its a force of nature. So it will win regardless of what we think. Nature is powerful, and more powerful than human nature. The world has its own laws, and these are not laws that are written on paper for us to review. These laws of natural order do not care if you believe in them. They do not care what church you go to, or what party you vote.

In these laws you find the reality of the world we live in. There are things we can understand about reality by looking at scientific laws. Physics, at least the parts we collectively understand, let us know how bodies are supposed to move and interact. We know the desire of things to move from high pressure to low pressure. We know how carbon, nitrogen, and other elements move through the world in constant cycles. Seasons come in order, and there is very little we can do to effect that. We are forced to deal with this greater force.

Now after yesterday I am sure many of you are wondering what the fuck I am talking about. Well here is the rational about this. You see we have this thing in humanity we call belief. We believe things so much that we can perceive them as truth or even as laws. We want so bad for one person to go against nature and be that hero we feel we need. We want someone to be that knight in shining armor that can fix this world we live in. We want someone else to be responsible for us, because at the root level we are herd animals. However belief does alter nor change the reality of the situation. You want to understand things, look at the results that produce in the world. You want to know if this person is your political savior that can do no wrong? Well look at the deeds, and not there words.

If you say that something is going to do something, lets say produce jobs, and it does not; well its simply not going to become true because you believe it. I am not looking for a leader to tell me how to live my life. I am looking more towards someone that will run the government, or at least be the face of my government, and more importantly; keep said government out of daily decisions. It boils down to responsibility. I am okay with embracing my responsibility to myself. We all have our own sense of this, and so many would rather caste it off in favor of comfort. Sure we can judge people by their charity, but forced charity is not a true reflection of kindness. Hand outs hurt. Independence and self reliance is what made this country shine. That is what made us standout in front during the industrial revolution.

So deeds are deeds, words are words. Deeds can leave a much longer effect. Nature will always look to achieve balance. Humans will always strive for growth. This need for growth is our nature and believe it or not, its in harmony with nature. Things that work against that make us feel uncomfortable and breed discontent. If it feels wrong, but sounds right, its most likely wrong. Reality is stronger than belief, and no matter how much you think someone is an asshole, they are not capable of breaking the laws of nature. People who grow and evolve are not against nature. Nature is full of change. Water flows, and is a powerful force. Wind blows and does more with less mass, using the mass of others. A creek will alter the world in greater ways than a tsunami. Change occurs daily in the the natural quest for balance, so is it strength to have your beliefs change as life goes on?

You can cling to a party, or you can cling to concepts, either way life will go on. You can tell the world what you want, or you can ask it what it wants? You can try to work against reality, or you can accept your place in it. You can understand the responsibility you have for yourself, or you can be a delusional sleep gratifying pussy that blames their faults on everyone else.

debating clarity

Today I am looking to add a bit of clarity. This post is more for me than it is for anyone else. It is my Blog after all, so I am entitled to state my views, thoughts, and whatever else I need to state in order to make this mess I call my mind clear as I need it to be. I watched the presidential debates. It got me thinking on levels that I needed to think on, and in ways that I was not sure I was ready to be thinking at.

Going into the debates I was a firm supporter of Ron Paul. Not gonna lie. I am a Constitutionalist at heart. This means that I support local government over federal government. It seems the bigger the system gets, the more it shifts in its mentality. You see we are told to think globally, I get it, that whole accession of man thing. However I am not worried about Man so much as I am worried about a few good men. The Macro is great, and it is a place of concepts, however reality is in the micro. Reality is the day to day life that each of us must endure as we breath.

As the system gets larger, it is required to do things to sustain itself, and that view of the individual is lost more are more in the endless file cabinets of administration. We the people slowly become numbers, statistics, and less and less people. That being said I get it. I get that people want affordable healthcare. I get that people want safety and security. I get that people want these things given to them. I get that people see the role of government as the primary provider of all those things that they claim to be entitled too.

In this we see the real issue yet again. It is one of personal responsibility. It is that same thing I have talked about in regards to person accountability. I am and should be responsible for my own retirement. I should be able to choose the doctor I want to look after my health. I should be able to have more control over my life, because well it’s my fucking life.  So in this I saw a few basic things that swayed me over to Romney during this debate. It was not deregulation, but smart regulation. It was not about providing for people, but enabling people to provide for themselves. I am not looking to increase unemployment benefits, I think it would better serve us if we created more jobs and reduced the need for unemployment instead.

Now I also know people on both sides of this fence that say they are not voting for either of these career politicians because they cannot trust them.  Some go as far as to say that one of the candidates only says what people want to hear, the other is accused of bribing people with gifts of hand outs. Well people the reality is; this is politics. I never said I trusted either of them. It is their nature to not be trusted. Politicians lie. Most that get to that high level of the game have had to make compromises that many of us would object to on moral principle. It is reality though. It is the world we live in. So I am going to focus on which one actually has the record that supports my ideals of governance, and the one that talks in the method of which I would like to be governed.

Now there is this other guy, the Big Johnson hiding in the mist. I would naturally wish to support him, being that his views are most inline with mine; however it is a pipe dream. A pipedream that would work in that perfect world without human nature that our current POTUS is trying to paint for us; that is why these things don’t work, reality is a bitch. So the realistic view is that Johnson does not have a chance in Hel, and based on that a vote for him is a waste. The Electoral College may lean to the popular vote, but they would not elect Johnson without an astounding turn out for him. So in that your voice is left to crash on the walls.

This brings me to the final point I have in regards to political apathy. Some people got offended by a statement I made on my Facebook page in regards to that apathy. Well its true. If you have a voice and decide not to use it, that is apathy. I am not looking for people to agree with me, I am just asking people to be involved. If you do not get involved, or at the very least educate yourself to the process then you have no right to bitch about the outcome. I know this is only one branch of big brother; however it is an important one. Therefore it not only warrants our attention, it demands it. 

I think it is disrespectful for us to constrain ourselves to apathy, when we could be doing something to fix it, or at the least cry out and demand it be fixed. We have a duty based on the sacrifices of all those that came before us. This is not just those who have served our nation as soldiers, but to all that served our nation period. From those first bar room meetings of the founding fathers, to the cat that insures that our mail is delivered. So screw the party line, vote platform and performance. Vote your conscience. Look to the established marks of success, rather than rhetoric and smoke.
Forty three straight months unemployment of over eight percent says a lot to me. The band aid repairs to Medicare and Medicaid. So many things that show a poor record of performance leave me actually hoping for change this time around. Flip flop or not, I like the presidential demeanor of the Governor, and I really liked the stuff that came out of his mouth. It was based in success and experience. Obama says show me the details, and I would say the same thing back to him. You want details look to H.R. 347. I will write more about that in detail tomorrow, but I would ask if this is the details that our CoC asked for? Is this an example of the loopholes that Romney claims to want to close out? Either way, you should read, research and make up your own mind. Either that, or buy more bullets and get ready to do your grocery shopping pioneer style. Hel why not prepare for both.

Sleepy time

With the impending election just around the corner, I find myself more and more baffled with the current situation. The climate seems to be us against them, and in this is in our own back yard none the less. Elections seem to be about one side or the other, and not really about issues. Red versus Blue, not who can improve what we have, or even bring this country back to the glory it once knew. Welfare is a band aid. Don't give me a hand out, I would rather a hand up. I would like to see a market that increases jobs, rather than supports slobs. Does this make me a republican? How about my views on abortion? I believe it was settled with Roe vs Wade, so why the fuck are we still talking about it?

You see we are in this battle right now, watching divisions being created in our country when all we are doing is picking the lesser of two evils. The worst part is that those lesser of two evil types are just mouth pieces for the same damn people. Look at campaign contributions, and you will see the share of names that is a mile fucking long. You want to see a real red versus blue, look it up on youtube, and watch the Halo setting. The first episode, dealing with why are we here, really sums it up. We are all tools, and being treated like children at bedtime. We are not really given a choice about going to bed, but rather given a choice of the blue teddy bear, or the red rabbit. Either way we are still going to bed.

I watch with morbid fascination as we get caught up in this circus side show battle of epic commercialism, and let the words of Tool dance through my head. Not to worried about learning to swim, but I am interested in seeing who is learning what else they feel they need to learn. More and more I see this commercial dependency and this complete lack of independence in our population. We can use an Iphone 5 more readily than we can figure out the nutritional value of the meal we just ate. We can quote lines from the Jersey Shore or any of its horrible spin offs, but ever so few can state the Amendments to the Constitution.

Yet we hear the screams for people that want to protect their rights to freedom of speech, and they fail to understand the valuable principles behind it. They would rather be free to be a complete tool bag uneducated ass munching grinder monkey, then actually understand what freedom of speech really is. It is about choice not expression. However most Zombies will never understand this. So they wait in line to see the next greatest product, and fail to see the correlation with a product release and the elections around the corner. They do not understand how or why our system works the way it does.

I can not wait until the day that the world is forced to unplug and they are lost with out someone telling them what to do via what is cool. When this does happen I am going t zombie rules, double tap being the primary. I am not saying this out of anger, I am saying this out of the inevitable. Choice is there, but we would rather enjoy the illusion. Right now there is no choice, in Red versus Blue, it is just a greater way to establish division amongst us, and make it easier for us to be controlled. Government is supposed to work for you moron, not us working for the government.

So really look at what you have and ask yourself the real question. Are you ready to go to bed? Or are you ready to wake the fuck up? Look to the congress, and senate seats up for bid. Do not waste your vote on inconsequential crap. How about you actually use that brain, and exercise those rights that me and my fellow service members fight to protect for you, and many of those I call brothers and sisters died for. It is about those before us, and those behind us. It is about establishing a system of government that actually offers choice. Do you even know what that means? Its not a buffet. Its freedom you couch surfing head in the sand idiots. Its about so much more than what is popular. It is really and truly about what is right.

GiveaPhuc transplants should be researched.

With the passing of a friend today, I have been left thinking about some heavy shit. You see not all the wounds that people get leave scars we can see. Somethings just sit in the back of your head, and good or bad they alter you forever. You can never be who you were before. You can never get that back. This is not some aging maturity bullshit either. It is not about recapturing your childhood, but rather being fundamentally changed on the deepest level of your psyche. Now this is tied into this thing we call PTSD. Its a disorder that I think is more dangerous than cancer.

I do not mean to talk about the things people see, like the health effects that PTSD can have. It is not about the insomnia, or the lowered immune system. I am thinking more about how little bits of you die, and the changes in your personality lead to death in many people that suffer from it. Its about losing one of the biggest factors in your health, that most people ignore. Hell losing the part of me that gives a fuck actually has benefits, but in most cases it can be very harmful.

When you see a dude drinking shots chased by beer, with a dip in, smoking a cigarette, you get a bit of the attitude. Its not that he doesn't know he might get cancer, its that he truly does not give two shits and a fuck about cancer. It is not a death wish by any means though. It truly is not giving a shit. Not really depression per-say, and a bit hard to explain to people. It is a part of the mind that just does not work anymore, and the sense of self preservation takes on a whole other meaning.

In this I wonder how many people die from PTSD each year. Over a decade of straight fighting. Most of this done on two fronts. Rotations in and out of theater that hold the frequency and resemble a place of expected normalcy. Add to this a lower standard in recruitment, the paradigm shift of social morality, and this unending pressure from the 98% of people that have never and will never put on a uniform. Then you look at how people expect veterans to act. You see them brush off behavior, or praise things that would otherwise have gotten somebody committed a few years ago.

Now you look at the guys that get bored, or overwhelmed, and suck start a pistol. Or maybe those guys that do what they are trained to do, and violently assist others over to their train of thought before they suck start a pistol; then think about would they have done that if their give a fuck had not been damaged? Would they take that next shot ten years ago? Or would their personal regard for all life and the survival instinct still intact, prevented them from going over that line into alcohol poisoning? Would that still healthy give a fuck have prevented them from driving in that state of mind years before?

Why is it that we can see crossing that line between hard and retard, and brush it off as just something that happens now? What part of our brain is so altered that we can not see these consequences as something of value? Maybe it is not depression but an understanding; an understanding that all things will eventually die, and being afraid of it is not going to change that fact. We all stop breathing at one point or another. All bleeding stops. All pain ends.

So in this how many Service Members die from the long term effects of PTSD? If it is by their own hand, is it still a manifestation of their illness? Is it possible to restore or heal a broken give a fuck, and if so is it even worth it? I would be interested in seeing how many vets have died over the years because of what could be considered self destructive behavior that in a time before would not have been engaged, or at least engaged with such eager abandonment? These are the thoughts running through my head today. You did this to yourself brother, but I am still gonna miss you Bat Man.

Brain drain pain turned to gain

I have so many things I want to write about today. It is a strange kind of writers block I have been having for the last few days. Too much to write about, and the inability to focus on one topic only. While this may seem like a good problem, you know like those pro athletes with their millions of problems, it is still frustrating. The main reason is that there is so much floating in my head that it is hard to stay focused. Compound that with jet lag, insomnia, and the feeling you get of uncertainty when the future presents so many paths, and you get the pool of A.D.D. infused delightful confusion that is my gray mushy little mind.

Politics offer so much with so little right now. We have this situation we can dissect like a frog in biology class that is just as lifeless. Your frog is not very different from your class mates frog. They probably have sat on the shelf for the same period of time. They stink. They all have an asshole. Oh and nothing you cut off of this little green beastie is going to taste good, no matter how much sugar you put on it. So really hard to pick on thing to talk about there.

On the personal front, its just hard to align my thoughts with people. Its just about the same as that little homage to Kermit we call modern politics. It seems that everyone has an opinion or suggestion as to how your life should be lived. However they don't seem happy with their life at all. People get so wrapped up in what they are told about how to be happy, that they can't let themselves be happy, and they have to bother other people about how to be happy so they can justify their own fucked up pursuit of what society has defined as happiness for them.

I am regressing socially to a more simplistic understanding of life. This is helping get all these little thoughts about big things in line. They are helping me think about the sound of one hand clapping at a pirate party with Captain Hook. I suppose it would go smack ow smack ow smack ow, or something along those lines. Seriously, what really does matter to us? Why does it matter? Does it matter because someone else says it matters, or because we as a people understand that it matters to us as individuals. Or perhaps our thoughts are nothing more than prepackaged hydrolyzed shots of high fucktard life syrup served in convenient individual serving sizes?

Right now my only bastion of sanity has been writing. Not writing here obviously, but rather writing on stories, and research. It is my form of escapism that oddly keeps me connected in a way that many people would not understand. I can step back and see those things that most people ignore from the outside. You see the details that change and shape the world around us with the subtle beauty of a smile.

Why do we feel the need to complicate everything. It is as if the greater levels of complexity somehow add value to what ever it is we are looking at. The truth though lies in a basic principal of a physical science. Let us look at engineering, and think about what makes a machine or structure perfect. It is not in what you can add, but what you can take away. How simple can you make a device and it still be able to preform its function? If its a toothbrush, why does it need to be a pizza slicing, fossil fuel detecting missile of social reconstruction with a love button accessory?

So in the end, I try to coalesce my thoughts and find that all I really need to do is smile. I am not worried about all the crap that people try to spoon feed me, because its my choice to open my mouth and chew. I am going to worry about my happiness, and try not to step on somebody on the way. I am tired of being fucked, but I would not mind getting laid. So in the mean time I will write, get my thoughts together, and stop being worried about things. Worry is nothing anyway and holds no value.

So if you are not offering me a hand, I will take a handie. If you are not offering me a beer, I will accept rum. If you are not offering me a smile, an exchange of Oh faces will be just fine. You can keep your grief, hate, and discontent. I have better things do than to get wrapped up in a game that people really can not win. Oh and one more thing,... Get over yourself.

here kitty kitty,,... yep you're a pussy

In our life we see things as we want to see them. We shape our own perceptions and in this we wrap our life up in nice little packages. We accept doses of how things should be in small easy to consume individually wrapped slices. We sample and never really take a bite out of things. Those that do openly feast on life are often times ridiculed and shunned for being so brazen. They enjoy life, when of course they should be emaciated and miserable. In this I am not talking about that spare tire that droops over your belt kind of self indulgence, but the kind that makes your heart happy. It is the one that you experience when your soul sores and you are truly free to actually enjoy the world around you.

We get tied down to tomorrows that never come, and we reflect on the past so much we forget to watch where our feet are now. When the only thing we really have is this moment right here. Nothing more exist than this moment, yet we are so worried about the next that we forget to enjoy it. Not that wild abandon of a self loathing addict, but the true joy that comes from understanding the miracle in every breath. There is joy out there, there is joy in all things, but we are the being douche canoes and refuse to see it.

When is the last time you declared to yourself that you loved anything? I am not talking about someone, but something? Some action, or movement? When is the last time you feel in love with a hot shower, or a warm bowl of oatmeal? When is the last time you actually enjoyed a moment without regard to the next moment? I am writing this tired as hell of course, so bare with me and try to follow my train of thought.

We are only as happy as we let ourselves be. Love is there if only we can love ourselves. There is not promise of tomorrow, and the past is set in stone. Regrets are the parking tickets for those sitting on the side of the road. Do something, allow yourself to enjoy it, and get into life and off your ass. You wonder what it would be like to sky dive? Well don't wonder, go out and try it. You wonder what a beer taste like at Oktoberfest in Nuremberg? Go, try it. You can make excuses, but you only got this life right now.

You could die at any time. When you are pushing up daises and waiting to meet your maker, are you going to be sitting there looking at some bucket list filled with regrets and self loathing? Or are you going to say you used up this life like a good pair of running shoes. That is how I look at my body and this shot in this world. It is something to be used up. It is a disposable plastic cup with your name on it. You can either go to the party, or you can let it get tossed in the recycle bin. Personally I am gonna go into the after life with a fucking hangover of epic portions, so high on life that my head will throb for at least part of the after life.

There are many stories to be had. There are many yet to be written. My breath is my pen, and the rest of the world is full of some self loathing Emo pussies, so I know the lines to good rides will be short. Think about this when you go to bed tonight, what would my eulogy say about me? What things have I wanted to do but let fear keep from me?

Some people go through life, others run through it and knock it on its ass while they do a touch down dance. So make things happen, enjoy the moment and stop being one of those self loathing assholes. Life is worth loving. Life is worth giving a chance. Breath my friend, just breath. Chase those dreams and feast on life. It will bring a smile to you when you are looking at death, and make that Grim Reaper nervous as shit when they come to collect you.

Life must be better in the shade,..

I think so many  people are wrapped up in their bullshit so tight that they are not getting enough air to breath. Left, right, it does not seem to matter. The left is calling Romney for his short comings and doing their best to cover up our Presidents faults. On the right they are bashing and preaching hate as they try to deflate the faults that Romney has put out there. It is just worse, followed by the gravely immoral popularity contest that our political system has degraded too.

Elephant, Donkey, it really does not matter much. Either way the only thing that come out of them is shit or piss. I really do not want either of them. Obamacare is based on a program that Romney created and started in his state, yet Romney wants to distance himself from it. Obama sees the voting reform as an issue when it is convenient for him. The whole screwing with soldiers rights to vote is pretty damn shady. Numbers are reported that favor the issue, and I know I have friends that will push what ever numbers suit their agenda as well.

Let me break down facts for you guys. Things that are important to me. This is the essence of my politics. I do not like shady shit. Do not lie to me to get me to swing your way. Do not bend, mold, or twist the truth. I do not want hand outs, or entitlements. I will take those things I have earned. My healthcare through the VA is not free. I paid for it with blood and more risk than many of you would ever take in your life, don't fuck with it. I have given up many of my rights to defend yours, this does not mean that I do not want to enjoy my free speech when I get out. Hell my silence is a method of free speech as well. Yes an AR15 is a modern musket. I do believe that everyone could and should own and use one, but there is no reason a civilian should own a crew serve belt fed people killer, though I think the intent of keeping the government from oppressing the people through military force means that you could own them.

Nothing shady there. Pretty damn clear, though this is not an area of agreement with most people I know. I will go further into the issues that people seem to have in the headlines now. First off I do not see how if a dude wants to suck off another dude is going to effect my ability to find a job? What you do behind closed doors is your damn business, not mine. You want to get your guts pulled out to get rid of the evidence of poor social choices, that's your business too. I really do not see how a shaky hand teenager getting an abortion is going to affect our GDP?  However that same young couple forced to face up to the consequences of their actions might have a negative impact on my life. Welfare, WIC, or other publicly funded programs that help pay for that child that they never should have made pull on my tax dollars. So do what you do, and I really do not care what your concept of God thinks about the morality of it. You want to force your morals on other people, look at your own shit first.

If I go to a foreign country and break their laws, I expect to go to jail. I do not expect to see cops from other countries enforcing their laws in my country though. I try to keep that in mind with pushing to bring my religious beliefs into law. I go to your church, I am expected to follow your view of morality, but you preach to me in the streets, I am gonna beat you down. Your life is yours, and before you start trying to live mine for me, try making sure its not because yours sucks. You do not get a re do through me asshole.

So be forward in your politics and stay the fuck out of my life. We will be okay in this. Sure the shade is where people want to be, but you can't grow the edible stuff with substance, without some sun and rain. Shady people are fungus. While people like mushrooms, I do not want to be one. I have no desire to live in the dark being shoveled full of shit. I really do not care who the fuck you want to blame for the problems, I want to hear your solutions though. Negative ad's just prove you're an asshole. Tearing others down is easy and just shows you have no ideas of your own. Get out of the shade, step into the sun, and be a fucking American. Not that arrogant fat tourist demanding to be treated like a god in whatever country they are a guest in, but that American that we were, and can be again. Be that straight shooting, doer, with a can do attitude that created a true super power and bailed out so many people in two world wars. Be that kind of American, and stop being a shady self centered douche.

XxX files

It is up to us as people to figureout what is important and what is not important. This is the the secret to this struggle we call life. We wrap ourselves in ideas and beliefs. We see the world for what we thing the world is, and we believe this to be the truth. We hear what others feel the world is and we belive this to be truth. We do this in spite of what we see in the world as the truth of reality. The beauty of this truth is that it does not need the belief of others to be true.

In this we try daily to convence ourselves that the world is something that it is not. It is something less than we want it, so we build it up in our mind and lend it it's importance. I am not refering to the world in this regard, but rather our fucked up view of it. In the scale of importance our view of the world is not what lends it strength. It has a strength that is self derived. It is like our strength should be.

Instead we steal our strength from the deeds and validation of others. People feel that they need to be in your life to be important, and cannot except that they are important enough to me to be in my life. It is their inportance that allows them into my not the need to be in my life that makes them important. There actually is a difference.

So you go out and worryabout the car you drive. You go out and worry about what consumer goods you can grab onto. You worry about all that crap that you think matters to people, and I will think about those things that actually have real lasting value. In this I find what really holds worth to me. In this I find the truth of this reality.

You can try your damnest to force me into your train of thought. I will not offer your perception of truth any weight. I have been out in this bright blue world, and seen its ugly, and its pretty face. It has both and they are those in the extreme. You see glory in the greatness. You see shame in the faliures of it. While the beauty is beholden in nature, the horrible convictions belong completly to man. It is our hearts, and the lies we hold onto in them that is the true horror of this world. Nothing more. Nothing less.

These are the things we choose to hold too. It is these that we grab onto and display. We wear our tradgedy as badges. We parade our failures to show our worth. We cling to those negative things like we are going to use them to buy sympathy in a swap meet of pity. We are the sad face of the world. We refuse to the see the truth of what could and should be.

When you see that you are your own person; that you are this person by choice, then and only then will you know the truth of the world. Then and only then will you be free of the craptastic garbage that is shoveled down your ope hole. The gultony of your ego unchecked is what prevents you from seeing and acknowledging the truth of this world. Not your truth, not my truth, but the truth. The truth is we are shallow selfish creatures. The truth is we are the the source of evil in this world. We are the greatest obstacle to the joy and peace fo the next life, being brought to bare here in this one.

So what bagage do you cling too? What load do you carry on tired shoulders? Why do you do this? I will tell you this; while you are engaged in a pissing contest, I am gonna go out and enjoy my life. The sun will be upon my face, the wind upon my bach; whilst you are there standing with piss soaked feet. Your truth is nothing, my truth is nothing. The truth is out there though. The truth is out there is you are willing to see it.

Word to your Mutha

We have this tendency to get wrapped up in words. While words have power, it is only the power that we give them. They are hollow without meaning or intent. They only have the value that we place upon them, and only hold the weight we give them. They are sounds and syllables. They are nothing more than smoke.

So what do we give to our words, and the words of others that place them above so many other things?  What part of self tells us that this should hurt? What part of us tells us to clamor for these audible markers of validation? Why do we need to hear the words of others, or have others hear our words? 

So many words have offered to change our life. We let them replace the change we need to make, and they are the chrysalis that transforms us. Good or bad we let them do the work for us, and bring these changes in our life. It is the power we give to words that shape our view of the world around us. We do as we are told; we listen to the drum beat droning of language. In this we find meaning and purpose.

That is the sad reality of the world we live in. In this the truth can be found, that those words we value so much are nothing without the meaning we give them. It is the meaning that has the power. It is in understanding the value and view we give to post guttural utterances. Language is twisted to purpose, and instead of it serving us; we end up serving it. 

What words do you want to hear, what desires do you need to have confirmed. Saying I love you seem to have more value than actually being in love. We so desire to have people tell us the impact we have them, as if there is no worth in us until it is confirmed through verbal acknowledgement of our existence. Why can’t these actions be reward or confirmation enough? Why can’t we be happy without someone telling us it is okay or justified? Why can’t we just be happy with being happy?

Why do we allow the words of others to affect us with astonishing resolve? What value does the word fuck have? Why do we own words like lazy? Why do we own them, even If they are not tied directly to us? Why do we let our personal guilt and doubt manifest in the words of others? Why is it we allow this happen? 

In this thought I have decided through my own willful vindication, that I will personally no longer allow words to have more value than  actions. I will also no longer feel good or bad based on how somebody else chooses to react to my words. I am no longer your guilty conscience or the feeder of your self importance. If you don't like it, fuck you. Put what ever value you want on that.

What would YOU do... thats more important.

I find these times we live in to be way to interesting. People are talking about things and they seem ready to convince me on how wrong I am, rather than listen to both sides of a story. We are so focused on that being right rather than someones rights that we lose sight of the bigger picture. We lose sight of the things that should hold value. We lose sight of the issues that hold us together as a people. Our own sense of morality slips away, because we are so busy fighting each other one things that do not matter. How about these simple things that we can look into; If you do not agree with someone, why must they agree with you so that you can exist and be happy?

Look I really do not have any desire to put a dick on, in, or near my body, but I love it when a woman agrees to let me do it to her. At the end of the day if two dudes want to do that, what harm does it really do to me? I do not share my conquest with them in graphic detail, and most of the gay dudes I know share the same level of respect. It may be your religious views that say this is wrong, well that's fucking great. Its something you feel is wrong, so don't do it. It is not on you if somebody else decides to do it. That being said why are you still arguing about it?

Now if you really want to compare it something, and see where your views lie in this matter of extremism and oppression you do not need to look far to compare. You want to try and force your views on someone, lets look at the Westborro Baptist Church. These are people that even neonazi extremist think are assholes. They constantly tell people about what they feel is wrong. They constantly stick their noses in other peoples business. They constantly look to validate their morality by drawing you into it. Now think about that the next time you go spewing your personal views on people like they are some kind of manifesto. Which side of the line do you stand on when it comes to douchebaggery.

Extremes are extremes, does not matter if they are left or if they are right. Liberal Fascist are still fucking fascist. If you really have to push your views down other peoples throats to feel right about yourself than maybe you need to seriously think about where your weakness is. Why do you feel the need to force your views on others and what gives you the right to do so? I find it hard to talk to some of my friends on both sides of the spectrum, they see things their way, and they see them so hard their way that they fish and look for support of their views, and find it their personal mission to try and sway others to their view without giving ground on their own. I also have friends that have their views but will at least listen to yours, and that is the reason those people remain my friends, and the prior group typically do not last long.

In that later group, I have a bud that really wants to talk to me about opposing views about the Stolen Valor act. It boils down to him seeing that we have a constitutional right to lie, and me saying that is bullshit. While his argument thus far is very logical, and I can see his stance clearly, he really does have interest in hearing what I have to say. Even if it might just be to see how the other side thinks. In this you see the reason he is my friend. You see he sees the world very differently from me, and in this we both bring something different to the table. I also like to think that by talking to each other we stop ourselves from narrowing our field of vision like the WBC and other groups that are out there that feel their cause is so damn important that they have to cram it down our throats whilst we eat our dinners in front of the boob tube. The easiest way to become an extremist is to only hang out with people that think like you.

So the only thing I ask is that if you are seeing something, or hearing about something that really has no valid impact on you, other than it offends you, think about what you do about it. Think to yourself if you could see the WBC protesting it too, and how much of a douche you are for protesting it. At the end of the day, does it really affect you, or those you know if some stranger is getting laid? Does it really change who you are because your neighbor worships differently from you? Does it take food off your table if somebody gets a tattoo? What impact does it have on your life what people do with their own? Unless they are coming into your house and standing on your coffee table sharing their views like you do, do it really affect you in any way? If it continues to bother you than why not move to a country that shares your views and leave my Constitution alone.

Off my chest, nuff said.

Most people got through life and only really know sacrifice through the actions of others. We talk of the things that are worthy of sacrifice and I will say most of you have it completely fucking wrong. They speak mighty words of self importance and take ownership of deeds, like they were fucking there. Because your brothers friends cousin from high school was on a cruise ship in the gulf when the rest of the big boys were living in a shit hole that smelled like a rancid dead truckers ass. You see the sacrifice was not just the time that people shot at you. The sacrifice was not about all the yellow ribbon barbeques held in your honor that you had to miss. It sure as hell was not yours to claim, or say that you had a part of this just because you went to Wally World and bought a yellow magnet to slap on the back of your sheep hauler.

You see what the real sacrifice was, well it was in the time you spent waiting. It was in all the lines. It was in the process of the process that the mighty military machine rolls on. Fill this form, wait here. You can't go until everyone is ready. It was in those things that people will not understand that could not be there. The short cans of bliss we called RipIt's. It was in that banner of truth and justice we call the PT belt. It was in some desk jockey TOC roach, yelling at you for having your sunglasses around your neck, on your head, or sticking out of a pocket after you just spent those hours he was getting his failed attempt at beauty sleep riding in an oven on wheels just waiting for some guy to take a shot at you that you will never hear coming.

It is in that you find true sacrifice. I truly believe that the military is compromised of the nations elite, simply based on our ability to creatively deal with bullshit that most people in the rest of the world would not, or could not, understand. The sacrifice of your sanity, and the sacrifice of you ability to relate to anyone else after this experience. The constant state of high alert that rarely results in these glorious actions that other people had before you. Its that paranoia of garbage on the side of the road. Its hating a whole fucking culture because they took away the innocent joy of your favorite holiday, because fireworks now make you think other things for the first few seconds.

You get to hear about how assholes that never seen a military contract want to change or modify yours and not release you from your obligation in the process. Yeah you all want your free health care, well let me grab my helmet because I will go fight for you to get retarded shit. Our country can barely pay its contracts and obligations to those that it said it would, and now they want to renege on that agreement and start making the VA take co-pays. Yet we just say yes sir, keep our heads down and bitch about it under muttered breath. This is yet another sacrifice that you guys will not understand.

If I hear one more politician talk about all the sacrifices Americans have to make in order to restore the country to its rightful place, well that is when I see a lot of us not bowing our heads anymore. I see us lowering our shoulders and taking a T-Rex like posture that others will call the low ready, and the civilian call of duty playing ass hats. Seriously if one more person tells me how much of a sniper bad ass they are, or how they are so gonna own the world around them with their ninja skills, it just makes me check if the weapon is on safe. Its a slow slide of the thumb to correct that, and so many other things wrong with the world.

You see the sacrifice is not yours to claim. It is not yours to wave around with pride. You are not my fucking family. If you are in my family than my honor is yours to share, but even this the sacrifice is mine or solely that of the person that actually made the damn sacrifice. So please stop telling me you understand. Please stop telling me all the great ideas you have to fix shit. Understand I actually have not issues with my job. Understand that I look forward to the next time my country calls. I look forward setting in dark places with those of higher character. I look forward to being free of broken promise. I look forward to the sacrifice of sanity. I look forward to a gaggle fuck reigned tightly by a PT belt wear sunglasses in the middle of the night on the way to the port-a-shitter.

Happy Feat.

So here I am doing the irresponsible and taking a break from homework. This is turning out to be a very droll assignment. However in the research that I am doing I have found some interesting things out, and even moved into other realms of thought. You know that means that I compulsively share them with you all. Why? Not because I care, or need the accolades of my adoring fan. It is because sharing these thoughts gets them out of my head, and then into yours like an annoying song you only hear a bit of and hum the rest of the day.

So in looking into my paper, I am delving into the scales of maturity in regards to politics. Looking at the more mature paths that a political movement can take, and gauging their potential too succeed based on the resulting behavior of those choices. In looking at the variety of potential paths and choices that political movement can take, and the means they use to move down that path, I have seen correlations between movements, and us as individuals. There is a gauge we can see the success of a person based on their choices, and their ability to cling to things.

So in this you see the young minded put all their eggs in one basket, they link to an idea or concept that has failed before, or is so idealistic that it removes the possibility of realistic success. The juvenile mind likes to fantasize about things and make them more glorious than they really are. It is almost like our memory works to do that one thing we can't seem to do. Our mind, if in a group or all by itself, seems to want to really allow us to be happy. It will even lie to us, the keepers of its gray matter, to force us to be happy.

You want proof, think about your first love, or maybe a loved one. What comes to mind first. What thoughts do you have of them? How polished are those thoughts? How much effort do you have to make to get tot he shit they did that pissed you off? How much do we delude ourselves to be happy? How much do we cling to failed concepts to be happy? You see the key to this is to understand that our brains want us to be happy, and they do not care how we get there. It takes those things that we think make us happy, and it then fabricates our perception of reality around those things. It does this with the best intentions in order to make us think that we are truly happy.

So why is it so important to be happy that we lie to ourselves? Why do we need so bad to be happy? Well I say the answer is simple, why the fuck not? We inhibit our own happiness because we do not think we are worthy and we continue to cling to the idea of happiness and make ourselves much more miserable than we should be. We deny ourselves indulgences based on the perceived value that our own lies have given us. We tell ourselves that because we were happy with X person, that we need another person to be happy. Bullshit. We tell ourselves that we need X thing, because one moment when we thought we were happy we had that thing, and we can only be happy again if we have another thing to do the same thing.

Happiness is not Disney Land, or a gun range with free ammo. Happy is not something that is done to you, but rather something that you allow yourself to be. It should not be mistaken for comfort, because compliance is apathy, not happiness. Happy is not making sure everybody else agrees with you, that fucking compliance dumb ass. Happiness is often the gift of the young, because their minds have not lied enough to them to confuse them. They can just be happy without reason, where the hell do we lose that as a person? What age do we turn to and decide that happiness can not just be happiness without external factors?

So in that, I am not a commodity to be traded. I am not a thing to own or possess. I am not a goal. You should not be either. I am happy when I want to be, which is more often than not. I do not need anyone in my life to be happy. I do not need those consumer goods to be happy. I do not need anyone to tell me how to be happy, nor do I need their permission. This happiness is mine and it is stronger, because it is more mature and based on reason. It is that childhood bliss, but it is a bliss I understand and appreciate. So if you can't understand that, you don't need to regulate it, modulate it, or try to restrict it. You can find it on your own without trying to take it from me. Try it, and then you will see those rare moments when I am not happy and I will smile like Agent K when I defend my happiness by all the means it deserves. I am the center of my own universe, centered with myself, but not self centered. There is a difference. Oh yeah, I am also happy, and if you are not, get the fuck over yourself. Leave me be.

Please Think Stop Douching

I want to explain something today. It is something simple that people just do not seem to understand. Just because you have gone to bad places and seen bad things (maybe even done bad things) does not mean you are a nut job. Seriously I am not going to stab you in the neck in the line at the bank because I am going to have some Hollywood flash back. If I stab you in the neck, its probably because you're a zombie and I am trying to get your head off, or you really need a good stab in the neck. Some people are assholes and are only responsive to a good killing. It really does not have much to do with the places I have gone or the things I have seen. A douche is a douche, it just so happens that having been in doucheholia (in place of other random shit hole's country name that we engaged in aggressive peace keeping with.) I am a little more in tune with detecting the presence of a douche in all all its forms.

I do not need you to walk on eggshells in my presence. If anything that pisses me off. I do not need you to make excuses for me to the general population. You ever stop to think that maybe I was this brash and outspoken before I went overseas? Or maybe it was that whorehouse in Thailand that screwed with my sense of morality, more so than any other military operation. Holy crap, you mean I could have always been this guy but you have a need to justify my behavior so you can claim to be some PC in the now pop culture tree hugging butt wipe? Seriously, do you have one of those yellow magnets on your gas guzzling bright red hummer? I should beat you with it, not because of PTSD, but because you are a self righteous douche nozzle. (Once again refer to the previous statement in regards to experience and the ability to locate said class of people.)

I also want to say that unless you are washing my underwear, I am not your damn project. I do not need to be coddled. I am not a item to collect. We are not fucking trading cards. I will however be happy to make you walk funny for a week if you think that somehow you are doing your civic duty by adding me to your social harem of good causes. This means you do not get to ask me out for dinner and a movie, and this whisper about me to your friends. Even if I was as broken as you morons think I am, how sick is that? Do you go around humping the leg of every kid with down syndrome so you can claim to have done your civic duty? Admit it, the reason you are down for it is completely selfish. It is hard to find someone as stand up, honest and as bad ass as a military service member. Having served makes you stand out, and on the other side of the sexes, tell me you can think of something hotter then a fit chick that can shoot an assault rifle better than you?

So while that hippie asshole was off protesting the war, one of us creeped backed and banged the hell out of his girl friend. Why is that? Well because she knew she was getting a man, a real man. Some one that was willing to stand up for what he believed in, and for that matter what your hippie pansy ass believed in as well. It was not about being compassionate to the needs of a broken person. It was a selfish experience. It might be night to have spent at least one nice of your life with a man. Hell I see their point, military ladies are pretty damn hot if I say so myself. At least the ones that are not but ugly trolls that were but ugly trolls when they were civilians. I am saying a lady that understands that putting on that uniform is so much more than a political statement about women's rights, and knows its about defending the rights of EVERYONE.

So please do not be amazed when I cut you down publicly for trying to relate, understand, or empathize with my "plight". I am not broken dick, I am just tuned in a little different. Do not attempt to rationalize or justify my behavior to others when you have no fucking clue how or why I think the way I do. My priorities are pretty damn straight. I have no desire to tell you HOW to live your life, give me the same respect, after all it was me and mine that gave you the right to live that way to begin with. Oh and playing Call of Duty for over a hundred hours does not mean you know dick about being in the military. You want a closer experience to model you empathy on? Try sitting in a muddy hole eating three day old McDonalds out of a plastic bag with tweezers, while your are suffering from sleep deprivation, and have someone take a huge hairdryer set on high blowing sand in your face. Do this while reading a letter from someone talking about how their life has trivial issues that you really do not see as important and that because they can't handle that, that they no longer want to be in your life. And then be careful were you step when you get up to piss, because some other self righteous douche bag coward is going to try to blow you up because he can't face you with his issues because he knows he is not as trained, disciplined or motivated as you. All he has is a cracker jack cause, much like the assholes that try to make us their pet projects of understanding and social awareness.

So seriously, just because someone served your country, does not mean they are broken. You have no right to meddle in their life. You are not entitled to collect them, or coddle them. You do not have to treat us any different than you treat your other neighbors. Please stop pretending like there is some great understanding because you read some book by some guy that never wore a military uniform, but read a lot of other books from some other guys at some school his mommy and daddy paid for. This has been a public service announcement, brought to you by the letter F and the number U.

Fight or flight, I hate to run.

So many people fear confrontation, and I will say that I understand this fear. Life though is just a series of confrontations stacked on top of each. You see confrontation are interactions and you can not go through life without them. They will come for you. That is life. Every body else wants what everybody else has, and some people are not wired to fear confrontation, so they will come after yours. So in this you can not avoid it. You will endure suffering in life, and through that suffering (if you are not an emo twat) you will understand joy.

Now there are those that move through the back field and enjoy their own kind of confrontation. These are a different variety of predator. They are not bad people per-say, but they are predators that people typically do not see. These are the smaller predators that know they are not the strongest. They know that the shadows hold their strength. They will not take someone down in an open fight, so they use soft words and the shadows to do their work. These are the ones most people fear to confront more than most. Maybe it is not fear but pity. It seems okay to watch nature videos of predators as long as they cute little fuzz balls that makes precious human like gestures. Its almost like you would rather get your ass kicked by Barney or some other talking muppet, and you would feel bad if someone saw you choke slamming this childhood icon. Being purple does not change the fact that he is a prehistoric predator dancing for the entertainment of our children.

So these people are masters of looking like a harmless creature, and many times they exemplify a trait that we have an inborn instinct to offer pity. Most times they are socially retarded or just plain stupid. Most times that is just a perception that is held by the masses. They use this like a shield as they drop soft spoken words to manipulate those around them for their entertainment, or personal gain. They have a different value system, and what you consider negative attention will most likely just be attention to them. They play to the perceived weakness, knowing full well that if you attack them or stand up for yourself that you will perceived as that guy that kicked the snot out of Barney.

More times then not they will use your ability to engage in conflict as a tool against you. They will bait you into public confrontation so that they can say that you are the violent evil bad guy and a bully. I have been accused of being a bully many times in my life. Those that know me know those words hold no truth. The real deal is that I am not afraid of confrontation. I also have no patience for predators and parasites. I also do not care if people try to use my actions to generate their own personal drama, because fear of social ostracism is not enough to deter me from doing the right thing. Sure I have fears, and I hate being alone in this world as much as the next guy, but whats the point in being sociable if you have nothing left of yourself that is redeemable.

So you can fear confrontation, but never avoid it if it is necessary. I fear losing myself and my principles more than having others view me negatively because I do not fit well into their perception of this peaceful fantasy. Life is conflict. You hide from conflict you hide from life. Peace is knowing you can stand up to conflict and hold onto your values. That peace comes from people not fucking with you, because they know they will not get more from you than they are deserving of. It is also not taking things from people, and not just shit, but those things that are not yours to take.

Note that by standing up and scaring off those predators that lurk in the shadows of society, that you are contributing to your "tribe" in a most positive fashion. This is something that many people can not understand but often reap the rewards of. In your own way you are protecting your family by letting those social vampires that your tribe is not and should not be their hunting ground. Your family may not be happy about it, but it is akin to smacking down a kid that is trying to sell drugs to your kid. They may not like that you ran the "cool" kid, but later in life they will appreciate it if they gain that wisdom that comes with understanding.

Simply the way it is

Today's edition is the cultivation of a train of thoughts that goes back a few years. People accuse me over over simplifying things, yet a lot of people come to me for advice. So maybe that is just what we need, to go back to simpler times, were the shadows did not hold such loathsome dealings and only concealed those monsters our parents killed with a light switch. There was no need for layers and layers of half truths and words so large that even lawyers have to look them up to define them. What is wrong with living in a place, time and mind set were shit is, what shit is. You ate because you were hungry, not because someone told you too. You played outside and connected with your neighborhood. The most stressful thing you had to do was get the lid off your finger paints. In simpler times it is easier to know what is important, and what is good and bad.

Now the metaphor of childhood is the easiest way to bring this simple life to the front of our cluttered minds. It is not a bad way to live and think, it does not make you immature, but it can lead to cooties. To simplify ones life is simple. It comes down to a phrase I have used many many times "Get the fuck over yourself." It is our over inflated sense of self importance that makes things complicated and draws us into a world were we not expect and accept the complications of others, we can not see our world with out them.

Now I hear the heads tilting. Am I telling you to forgo your ego? Me the king of ego, that most of the people that do not like me, do not like me because they think I am an ego maniac with a cocky attitude. Seriously you people are retarded. Yes I ma awesome, and not all of you can be as awesome as me, but try being as awesome as you and stop worrying about my level of awesome. I am not cocky, I am just confident. Why do I say this, that my friend is a simple answer. Catching the theme here? I am confident, I know my limits and I push them back the best I can each day of my life. If I can't climb a mountain, I train and study. If I do not understand something that grabs my interest, I train and study. I do not let worry and people telling me I can't do something hold me back. I push my limits in the hopes that one day when I am in Valhalla I will be limitless. This is where my confidence comes from, and it is a simple childish wonder that just grew up with me.

You see you can be self centered, but you do not have to be self-centered. That is to be centered in ones self as opposed to being self absorbed. This is understanding that the only thin you have control over is you, and that when you lose control over you, you give it to other people. It is sad when you see someone struggle to be something they are not, and even more so when you see them doing it so wrong that it looks like sixteen monkeys trying to hump the same football. I try to help people, but some can not be helped because they are doing this posturing for all the wrong reason. They are doing it because they can not get over themselves at all.

You can not love another, until you love yourself. You can not trust another, until you trust yourself. You have to be good at all those things in your life that you want to share, but you need to turn them inward before you can turn them out. In this look at those that hate so well and ask yourself what is it that they hate so much about themselves that allows this to be? I do not hate because I love myself to much. I am able to do this because I keep things simple. I keep other peoples complex drama out of my life.

I judge things by how they effect me and mine. I try to keep it as simple as possible. This is good for me so I keep it around. This is bad for me so I let it move on. I do not see a reason to lay blame on people, but I do think people should own up to their issues. This also means you have to own yours. Sometimes there is a problem and its a problem that needs to be solved, why waste to much energy looking at who to point the finger at and just fix the damn problem and worry about that crap later. If your house is on fire, do you look for someone to blame, or do you put the fucking thing out?

So be simple in deed, but not simple minded. It is the balance that brings happiness not either extreme. If something is good, enjoy that it is good. If something is bad, understand it is bad. Your happiness is not tied into the submission of others, and how you few my ego is not my problem. I do not desire your validation, nor do you require mine. You walk with people through life because you want to, not because you need them. The minute you need someone it becomes something different (see codependency) but it is more than okay to share your life with someone from want. It makes it so much sweeter while you are here. For this to happen though you need to simply get the fuck over yourself.

Bias a way

In a recent discussion in that place of higher learning I seem to gravitate towards, I was given something to chew on. In this I gained an understanding that I did not have before. In this discussion we talked about research, and questioning the sources of another. Passion overrode reason, and belief in an idea was so blinding that all they could see was the idea. It was too this concept that adherence was firm, and it did not matter the evidence that was presented. The question was simple and easy, you know the ones that people seem tot struggle the most with. In this we curbed the conversation in order to proceed with class.

Those of you that know me, know full well that if something is this thought provoking and can stimulate this much heated debate, it should be pondered. Now I am not going to make my best attempt to write here. I know this, so please bare with me. I am damn exhausted. It is actually hard right now to keep my eyes open and make my fingers type my words. This of course is based on the satisfaction of purpose and not just because of some self inflicted misery. I have spend the last week solid, helping my neighbors in this state, my fellow citizens, in a time of great need. Now in helping them my body has been tested and pushed, but my mind was left to chew on this concept of truth.

You see we as a people are biased. In most cases people will admit their bias, but rarely to the degree it really has a hold on their heart. Rarely do we really wrap words upon this concept that are worthy. Also no matter how hard we look into things, it is truly hard to understand the depth and control that predilection has on our views. I also know that this is going to piss off more than a few people as I try to give this physical form, from my weary mind. First and foremost I want to get the greatest offender out first. No matter who you are, no matter what you do, you will never get bias out of your view less you have no mind. Yep I said it, you are a bigoted asshole. On the flip side, so am I. We litter our thought process with preconceived ideas that we agree with, and you can not escape them.

In this we limit our views and claim to have found truth when ever we find things to support our vision of what is true. We declare that our view must be the wisest and cling to one sided facts. No matter what we can not be wrong. This must be the truth because of this number, or that number. We see this more and more as the election approaches. We see this personal slant and view of what they feel is truth. We see this picture we paint and start to apply our own bias and shape the world to our truth, or at least the way we see this world.

The real secret is getting more people to agree with you does not make you right. Having less people agree with you does not make you the keeper of the hidden truth. Actually you grab to tight to either of those extremes you find that number of people you call friend dwindle. Extremes suck on either side, and the easiest way to become an extremist is to surround yourself with people that agree with you. Just because you found one thing to support your ideas, or found a way to sway the written word to reflect your view of an issue does not make you right.

The wisdom I gained from this thought process is actually pretty shitty. My conclusion is that because of our own bias we as a species can rarely capture truth in its purest form. We can rarely if ever tell a truth other than our own. To further this is it equally difficult for us to see anything other than our view of the truth. Pure truth though is universal and not written. It is something you just know is the truth. Not because if feels good, but because it is just right. Most times we ignore that little voice in our gut, because we like the one that makes us feel warm and fuzzy. Damn its so easy to stroke our own ego huh.

No here is were my brain is hurting, and I am sure that I will wrap my mind around this after I get more than eight hours of sleep, and get the smell of ash and soot from my nose. Understand that no matter how fucking cool you think you are, you are biased. No matter how smart you think you are your own interest will influence how you interpret data that is presented to you. You can not free yourself from yourself no matter how cool you think you are. Now you want to not be a douche think about this, and ask yourself are you doing the right thing or the good thing. Are you doing what is actually good for your tribe, or what you think is good for your tribe? Stop being a douche and trying to pour your truth on others and admit your own damn bias. Understand it, and maybe you will just be a little less of a douche.