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Friday, July 13, 2012

Please Think Stop Douching

I want to explain something today. It is something simple that people just do not seem to understand. Just because you have gone to bad places and seen bad things (maybe even done bad things) does not mean you are a nut job. Seriously I am not going to stab you in the neck in the line at the bank because I am going to have some Hollywood flash back. If I stab you in the neck, its probably because you're a zombie and I am trying to get your head off, or you really need a good stab in the neck. Some people are assholes and are only responsive to a good killing. It really does not have much to do with the places I have gone or the things I have seen. A douche is a douche, it just so happens that having been in doucheholia (in place of other random shit hole's country name that we engaged in aggressive peace keeping with.) I am a little more in tune with detecting the presence of a douche in all all its forms.

I do not need you to walk on eggshells in my presence. If anything that pisses me off. I do not need you to make excuses for me to the general population. You ever stop to think that maybe I was this brash and outspoken before I went overseas? Or maybe it was that whorehouse in Thailand that screwed with my sense of morality, more so than any other military operation. Holy crap, you mean I could have always been this guy but you have a need to justify my behavior so you can claim to be some PC in the now pop culture tree hugging butt wipe? Seriously, do you have one of those yellow magnets on your gas guzzling bright red hummer? I should beat you with it, not because of PTSD, but because you are a self righteous douche nozzle. (Once again refer to the previous statement in regards to experience and the ability to locate said class of people.)

I also want to say that unless you are washing my underwear, I am not your damn project. I do not need to be coddled. I am not a item to collect. We are not fucking trading cards. I will however be happy to make you walk funny for a week if you think that somehow you are doing your civic duty by adding me to your social harem of good causes. This means you do not get to ask me out for dinner and a movie, and this whisper about me to your friends. Even if I was as broken as you morons think I am, how sick is that? Do you go around humping the leg of every kid with down syndrome so you can claim to have done your civic duty? Admit it, the reason you are down for it is completely selfish. It is hard to find someone as stand up, honest and as bad ass as a military service member. Having served makes you stand out, and on the other side of the sexes, tell me you can think of something hotter then a fit chick that can shoot an assault rifle better than you?

So while that hippie asshole was off protesting the war, one of us creeped backed and banged the hell out of his girl friend. Why is that? Well because she knew she was getting a man, a real man. Some one that was willing to stand up for what he believed in, and for that matter what your hippie pansy ass believed in as well. It was not about being compassionate to the needs of a broken person. It was a selfish experience. It might be night to have spent at least one nice of your life with a man. Hell I see their point, military ladies are pretty damn hot if I say so myself. At least the ones that are not but ugly trolls that were but ugly trolls when they were civilians. I am saying a lady that understands that putting on that uniform is so much more than a political statement about women's rights, and knows its about defending the rights of EVERYONE.

So please do not be amazed when I cut you down publicly for trying to relate, understand, or empathize with my "plight". I am not broken dick, I am just tuned in a little different. Do not attempt to rationalize or justify my behavior to others when you have no fucking clue how or why I think the way I do. My priorities are pretty damn straight. I have no desire to tell you HOW to live your life, give me the same respect, after all it was me and mine that gave you the right to live that way to begin with. Oh and playing Call of Duty for over a hundred hours does not mean you know dick about being in the military. You want a closer experience to model you empathy on? Try sitting in a muddy hole eating three day old McDonalds out of a plastic bag with tweezers, while your are suffering from sleep deprivation, and have someone take a huge hairdryer set on high blowing sand in your face. Do this while reading a letter from someone talking about how their life has trivial issues that you really do not see as important and that because they can't handle that, that they no longer want to be in your life. And then be careful were you step when you get up to piss, because some other self righteous douche bag coward is going to try to blow you up because he can't face you with his issues because he knows he is not as trained, disciplined or motivated as you. All he has is a cracker jack cause, much like the assholes that try to make us their pet projects of understanding and social awareness.

So seriously, just because someone served your country, does not mean they are broken. You have no right to meddle in their life. You are not entitled to collect them, or coddle them. You do not have to treat us any different than you treat your other neighbors. Please stop pretending like there is some great understanding because you read some book by some guy that never wore a military uniform, but read a lot of other books from some other guys at some school his mommy and daddy paid for. This has been a public service announcement, brought to you by the letter F and the number U.

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