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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

So here I am on my couch at 0530 on the first day I absolutely do not have to get up early. Its freakishly cold, as I am sitting on my couch listening the rhythmic sounds of my wife's snoring. I have managed to get my warmest robe on, and cocoon into not one but two snuggies, and I am still fricking cold. Its okay though, because I am rested and ready to face the day. Which got me thinking about a few other things I noticed since I have returned from the lands of Lawrence. Yeah I notice colors more, I even fixate on the more vivid ones. I notice the people walking around not wearing green. I also notice women, half naked women, with lots of jiggly bits. Aside from that I have also been noticing some pussy ass pansy people.

Now I am not saying that my little trip out to that useless piece of land tucked between Africa and Asia like a dingle berry on a planetary scale had anything to do with my hypersensitivity to the detection of weak willed persons, but it didn't hurt. So becasue of the slight case of insomnia inspired literary seizures I am going to commit to paper an idea I was thinking for a workshop. "How not to be a douche 101" by me.

I know in life a lot of issues people have could be solved in direct proportion to the amount of spine, or sack they bring to the game. Sure cutting down on the drama helps to, but I think the the key to eliminating issues from your life, and building a good sense of self esteem in a direct relation to your ability to stand up for yourself, others, and what you believe in. I have seen several examples of this in a short period of time. Hell I haven't even been back a week.

So on this I am going to give a few examples of how having Hamster proportion testicles (or chesticals for the ladies) will aid you in life and help you accomplish something others don't get typically. It will truly help you find happiness and doing it with your self esteem healthy happy whole and not cowering the corner like a beat dog.

First I want to touch on relationships. I am not talking about the generic interactions that you have with friends, coworkers, or the mailman (well maybe for some it could be the mailman, but not typical outside of porn). I am talking about a deeper relation, that one that leads to you having a soul mate, life partner, husband, wife, or what ever handle you want to put on the person that you want to sleep with and talk to afterward on a continuous basis. Having some fortitude here is so important. In order for something like this to be healthy it really truly needs to be a partnership. It needs to be something that is equal that you give as much as you get, and not just in the sack.

I am a partner in life with my wife. We walk side by side through life, not one in front or behind the other. We achieved this by being direct and honest with each other from the start. Neither of us where looking for a relationship, we where totally fricking happy being single, and did not NEED anyone or anything to make us feel complete. We did not settle for someone that would give us part of equation, and we do not need each other to be complete. We do this by understanding that we are sharing our lifes with each other, but we also understand that we both are bringing a whole and complete person to the table.

So having the strength of a wet sponge, and letting one person dictate every aspect of a relationship does not work for me. If I wanted someone that would listen to my every command, depend on me for their happiness, food, or life actions I would get a dog. On that note it is not healthy to be the dog either. You will not get the relationship you are looking for or the happiness you deserve if you have to have it to live, or to complete you.

The next thing that can help you be happy is standing up for yourself and those you love. There was a dude that was actually looking to say something to me. I knew it, I could see it in his eyes. I had called out his family, his wife and his sister on some bullshit. I spoke my mind about something, and I also spoke my heart. In process a weaker willed crazy person took offense to what I said. They generated some drama around it, to get some attention that their daddy didn't give them. I did not sugar coat a single word, nor did I back down and I guess it hurt their feelings. Not that I really gave a fuck about that, I say what I say because in my world it works out better that way.

Now that was not the issue of spine. The issue here was the first chance encounter where we met face to face after I had gotten home. I could see the challenge in his eyes. I gave him a chance to stand up for his wife and his sister. I could tell he was waiting for me to apologize, and not that I was going to at all, but he would not, or could not even ask for me to do so for his own friends and family. I lost a bit of respect for him there. I am also sure it was eating at him, and it obviously bothered him.

You know you can actually be happy by not running from confrontation. I am not saying turn into a knuckle dragging neanderthal and bash the crap out of people that piss you off. I am saying though that you will feel better if you can stand up for what you believe in, or stand up for the people you love. You keep shit bottled up and the only person it effects is you, but if you get it out it might actually effect the person who is the cause. I would have had some respect for the situation if he had just spoke his mind. However as it turns out he didn't and he will go back to his family still holding that in, and it might even be the topic of discussion amongst those that felt offended. So they hold on to that negative crap.

This is purely observation by the way. I am not going to carry this around for myself. I don't think people understand that I am not apathetic, I actually do care. I just care in a way I think is more effective. I do not care about the crap that I think does not matter. I also do not care about people who are not worth my time. Life is much better when you are not a weak willed douche bag. So take some time to find pride in yourself. Take time to understand that you don't NEED anyone to be a better person, and its better if you can share your life with someone from a position of happy healthy strength. If you don't stand for anything you will fall for everything.


  1. Well put, my friend! Too many people don't hold onto their convictions and when it comes to confronting them, they back down.

  2. I can understand not wanting to be a knuckle dragger, but I really cannot understand why someone would not stand in defense of their family. Whether or not one of my siblings (or hell, I'll go to bat for close enough friends, although by that point they're just siblings anyway. Family you are born to and the family you choose, right?) is flat out wrong, you don't get to beat on him/her, verbally or otherwise. That's my job. We stand united until the end and then I take them home and read them the riot act for being a drama filled twat waffle. You don't get to do that. I don't care who you are, or why you think you have the right to. Even if it's you that they twat waffled at. Because that's my family. Which often puts me in the "Dude, you're being a total dick about your brother." position often enough. *shrugs* I'd rather be a happy dick than a sad pussy?