You will get plenty of time to sleep when you are dead.

You know sometimes it is hard to talk about things with people, other times it is so easy you over share. This is part of the human condition for the most part. We can work on this and get better about it and not turn out to be a skirt grabbing pussy. Yes guys you can talk about your feelings and still hold you man card. I am not saying grab some Kleenex, the Notebook, and spend the evening with your buds pouring out your heart. I am saying though you can do things your own way.

I am typically pretty good about venting my issues. Sometimes though I bottle them up, and try to bury them deep down inside. Sometimes, in the moment you feel that is the best idea. Well I am gonna tell you now that writing this shit at 3am is proof enough that, that shit don't work. However I will pass that price without to much suffering.

I repressed my own issues and got the fuck over them for the most part so that someone I love could have a good time. Yeah I am noble fucker huh. Not really. The motivation on that, is that she puts up with so much of my crap there was no reason for her to do it then, and no reason for her not to have a good time.

The worst part is when it came time to talk about it, I still have trouble doing it. These are the kind of emotions I am not very comfy with. I can deal with doubt, regret, and a whole slew of other none productive emotions, but irrational fear is about as familiar to me as menstruation. I am not sure how to attack something like that.

When you know you should not be feeling something, that it has no real purpose. However the back of you mind plants the seed, and your subconsciousness feeds that little fucker and all you can do it watch it grow. Then in dealing with the borderline powerless feeling coming with not being able to nip that fucker, how does one deal with doubting your feelings in the moment. Am I paranoid because of this or is this really a good time to paranoid kind of thing.

I know there are people out there that go their whole fucking lives dealing with this shit day in and day out. I am glad I don't. I am glad mine is triggered, and that if I find those triggers I can avoid being up a 3am with no purpose. I am glad that this is me because of things I have done, not because of what was done to me. I am glad that I can understand my chemistry and take responsibility for the issues, and not have them because of some genetic disposition.

So now that I have vent a bit, I am gonna try to go back to sleep. I am tired. I really am. It is still so dark, and peaceful. I also like sleep and I do not wan to wait until I am dead to rest. I have seen the dead, and while it looks peaceful, it does not look comfortable.

So on this Memorial day of Memorial days, I say to the honored dead, rest in peace. I hope that you found comfort before you died. We thank you for your sacrifice, and can only hope that others may understand why and value your service. To all my fallen brothers and sisters, enjoy your peace, you earned it. To so many others this is just an excuse for a three day weekend. I can't bring myself to party to hard on Memorial day, knowing that Donny, Mike, Josh, Chris, Yoder, and the countless others are not here to enjoy it, so I can be here to enjoy it.

So instead I am gonna try to not be a pussy. I am going to be happy I am not dead. I am gonna drive the fuck on. I am gonna try to sleep. Naw fuck that I am gonna sleep. Today I am gonna honor those that wrote the check. I will let the others think they know what they know. I am gonna let that shit go, but carry you with me my brothers.

And if I fail in the first mission at least I know those in the second are getting plenty of sleep.

Respect, inspect, wtf?

"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for
authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place
of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their
households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They
contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties
at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.

ATTRIBUTION: Attributed to SOCRATES by Plato, according to William L.
Patty and Louise S. Johnson, Personality and Adjustment, p. 277
(1953)."

So the older generation hating the younger generation is nothing new. You parents talked shit about your friends when you where growing. Our grand parents talked shit about them. Now we are in the position to be talking a little shit of our own. Trouble is I am not one hundred percent on board with Socrates. I do think that we bitch about the younger ones because its natural.

However I am gonna go out on a limb here and say that this A.D.D. video game, no physical discipline, pansy ass, mama skirt holding, no work ethic, shit for brains generation going through school now is a magnitude more horrible then the kids that graduated in the last group.

HOLY SHIT they have some bad apples. I mean some groups are labeled by their worst kids, and the good ones get no press. So I try to think that there are some good ones in there, but its hard to do when you walk through the grocery store and you see them. Its hard to do when you talk to friends that work at schools. Its hard to do when you see some of this rotund little fuck trophies are to lazy to commit the crimes of our generation and scream and yell until some adult unit services them.

I am going to boil this down real simple as to why. Fucking hippies ruined us. Ben Franklin said it, spare the rod, spoil the child. We have a responsibility to be parents to these kids, not their fucking friend hanging out and drinking with them. It is up to us to make them go outside, interact with the world outside a chat window. It is up to use to teach them the value of a dollar, even if their government does not understand that. It is up to us to give them a healthy does of self respect (not emo arogance) so that they can see the value of respect, and use it as their social currency.

We are not their friends. Friends get them alcohol, tattoos, and get them laid. They will find those people if they stop hiding behind their computers and angst. If you do your fucking job they will make plenty of friends on their own. Stop being this huggy bear pussy ass coddle bunny, and be a parent. You are doing them a much bigger favor that way.

If you teach your children you will prepare them for life on their own. You can give them more by setting boundaries, and teaching them values, then you ever could by being their friend. That comes later, when they are older and have kids of their own. Then you can be there friend when they understand and respect you for being their parent. They don't have to like you, its not a popularity contest. They just have to listen.

You don't ask your kid to listen to you, they just do it. You don't need to buy your way to their affection, or praise them until they love you. If you do that they will be ill prepared to live in the world, they will blame you for everything that goes wrong in their life, even after you are pushing up daisies. So go make friends your own age, and be a fucking parent you lazy ass douche nozzle. You are making people who give a shit look bad.

Do you support your troops?

First off they are not your troops. I do not belong to you in anyway shape or form. I want to make that clear. I volunteered to give up a number of my constitutional rights, however putting myself out there as an indentured servant was not part of that equation. So just because you panties are in a bunch, or you feel the sudden need to be protected, does not mean you have the right to call me out to be your bitch. I am glad that there is at least some thought and bias on how we soldiers in the guard are deployed. Granted the American people may not be the brightest people, and I can give you a list of Commander and Chiefs that where a pretty good representation of the lower IQ bracket of the country.

So if you really want to show your troops some love and support that is a great place to start. You start by voting for a boss. You vote for the president, the governor, and all those other PUBLIC SERVANTS that fill those offices and gorge themselves on your tax dollars. You support those troops by putting people in office that will use them wisely, not call what they do stupid or allow their sacrifice to be in vain.

The trouble with that remark is most of you do not in fact support the troops. You support a cause and you car supports a yellow magnet slapped on your hybrid vehicle that has a bigger carbon foot print then the big foot four by four your redneck dad/brother drives. The common citizen does not give thought to there actions, they follow the tide. They drift along from popular statement to popular statement without out thought to what they are actually saying. They are really good about feeling about something, but you want to make this old soldier happy, try thinking.

Try getting involved. Try speaking out. Try something and flex those damn rights that many of my friends and family have poured blood on the ground for. You want to support our troops, you want to earn that gay ass yellow fucking magnet and not get me to cringe when you thank me for my service in a gas station nine thousand times when all I want to do is take a shit? Educate yourself, actually research the issues. Find out who is the best choice to represent you. There is actually a mayoral race going on in Denver right fucking now, and people are more worried about who the hell they are gonna vote for on American Idol!

I am almost ready to go with the Heinlein approach and go all Starship Troopers on your dumb asses, and say you have to earn your citizenship. Maybe if you had to risk your life for the right to vote you might take it serious and give it thought. You might vote more then once every four years. You might show up to the ballots informed. You might actually deserve that bumper sticker, though after you get educated you might just take it off.

That is how you support your troops, a yellow ribbon is not even good as a cock ring. I do like the random beer on my restaurant tab, though I will not drink in uniform even if I am allowed. Getting a deployed Sergeant a laptop so he can talk to his kids is cool. Webcams and skype cards are great as well. You can buy things if it makes you feel better, but the only thing that really fucking matters is to simple.

You want to support the troops, use the damn rights that they defend for you with their very lives. FUCK AMERICAN IDOL! Justin Beiber is a douche. Use those rights afforded to you by the Constitution of the United States. Use that public education. Celebrate what it means to be an American, and stop paying the concept lip service and doing what ever Oprah tells you too. That's how you support your troops for real, and actually mean it.

If you can, you can. If you can't, you can't.

This is probably going to be my most politically incorrect rant in a long time. I am also going dig up a story some of you might remember from the late nineties here in Colorado. You see there once was this track that in a remote location. It was a rough track built to be used by cross country runners. It was isolated, away from the public roads. This track was long, uneven, and a great challenge to runners. It did not cost the tax payers that much money, at least the track itself didn't. Then one day somebody was touched by the good idea fairy. They thought to themselves since this is funded by tax dollars it should be handicap accessible.

So the plans where drawn to build a handicap access ramp to a running track.

Okay I understand handicap parking. I understand having classes in schools geared to those with learning disabilities. I can understand so many things we do, but there is also a point in time where we have to draw the line and say this is fucking stupid. I am sure it sucks to be a quadriplegic. I am not sure I would have the strength to be me if I ever lost use of my limbs. However if I did I would not demand or want access to a gymnastics floor. If I can't do something because of a disability, accident, or medical consideration then I can't do it.

This does not mean that I have to make others suffer. That track I spoke of early was shut down, it was no longer funded. The reason for it being shut down was the cost of making is accessible not only made it to expensive to justify, it also removed the intent and purpose of the track to begin with. The strain was to much, and it also brought to a whole other level of stupid.

The reason I am bringing this up is simple. With the summer season fast upon us, their are many events that are going to be going on in the area. Some will be camping in the mountains. If you have a health condition that is agitated by altitude it is not anyone's responsibility to accommodate you. You do not have the right to have paramedic team on stand by for you. If you can not make it to the top of a waterfall, it is not your right to mare the landscape and have a elevator installed for you. It is not your right to pave over nature so you can bring the equipment you need to make your life easier.

We all share this planet, and there are things I can not do. I do not demand other people accommodate me to be able to do them. Nature can be a bitch sometimes, but she can also be a great teacher at others. I am not going to complain and stomp my feet until somebody lets me experience the miracle of childbirth. At the same time I am not going to fund research that will let my wife write her name in the snow without moving her hips.

We are all given a different set of tools to get through life. We have to learn to use what we have, and overcome the obstacles put before us. We do not take the obstacle away because it offends us. We do not make demands on those around us, and make them cater to us. You either can do it, or can't do it. Get the fuck over it. If you want a personal first aid team so you can see the summit of some 14'er then you pay for it. You want to see the top of a water fall from your wheel chair, then you figure out a way to get up there that does not ruin the waterfall for everyone else. If you can't use your legs, then you can't run. I am sorry you can run, but that is not reason to ruin it for other people.

That is the essence of what bothers me most about the human condition. It is not the fact that we can't do something that bothers us. Its the fact that others can that bothers us. So rather then find a way to achieve that goal, or set our eyes on another prize, we would rather stop ANYBODY else from doing. I can't have a thirty minute orgasm, so I am going to remove that from the pigs? Is that a solution? Really? You or I are really not that fucking important in the cosmic plan. So get the fuck over yourself and find your own happiness rather then trying to ruin everybody else's.

Aliens and the Rapture,..

So I keep hearing rumors that the rapture is supposed to happen in five days. I am actually going to be real happy when that day comes. This is a multiple layered level of happy like a seven layer dip. First off I like the assumption of one person over another that they understand divinity and they believe they know best what "God's Plan" is. Second when the day comes and goes, I am going to point at the people left behind and say ha, told you that is not what it meant to be Christian buddy. Most of the Christians I meet are superficial two faced self serving douche bags that are only one religion or another because that is the church there momma made them go to as a kid. The last one is important to me on a more intelligence based, advancement of science basis. If people do disappear in mass the real ass hat fundamentalist are going to drink the Jim Jones juice so they don't feel they where left behind and the others left behind thought they where wrong. It will be an instant add of chlorine to the gene puddle.

The reason this excites me so much is to me a fundie is a fundie. Extremist in anything are dangerous, but extremist in religion are out right scary Windex drinking fucking retarded. We think about fundamentalist when we talk terrorist. They personify that. Someone willing to blow the fuck out of themselves because they believe so strongly that they are right and we are wrong that they are willing to prove they are right by blowing themselves and others up. Yes retarded logic. Well the terrorist guy is not the only one that is stupid homicidal about their religion. We have people in our country that are the same damn way. Look into the evangelist, and those dudes in Florida.

There is so much you are wrong, I am right bullshit going on. I just wish they would stop trying to measure their cocks on each others foreheads and dragging all of us into it. Extremist are extremist. So please be right about the rapture, and please let all those image conscience self righteous assholes be left behind, and those few souls that actually follow the intent of the teachings and not the twisted fallacy of the word find bliss with their God. I will start making cool aid for the ones left behind and start warning them the aliens will be here next, and wait for them to sip and slip.

Then maybe just maybe we can recreate the hell on Earth those fundies talk about. You know a school system that teaches actual science. I can not find one smart thing about intelligent design. Our space program has been neglected and could use a boost. You see we are so worried about prayer in school, and rejecting the concepts of what monkey we came from, that we forgot the future. Many people are unaware that our space program is still going on, they just assumed that the very scientist that they rejected for talking logic where still working on making them all the Tang and Velcro they could use.

Many people are unaware we are retiring the shuttle fleet and this Monday is the last mission that the shuttle Endeavor will ever launch on. We are not looking to replace the shuttle either. Lack of interest in the space program, and lack of funding because so many are worried about so much that doesn't matter that we are going to be surpassed by so many other countries when it comes to celestial activity that we all better start learning Chinese. So we can argue about putting prayer in church when we clearly see the line of church and state. It was drawn for a reason. If you like to see a successful theocracy look at Afghanistan before we kicked the Taliban out.

Incidentally Afghanistan had a shitty space program too, but they had prayer where ever you wanted. They didn't have it in school either though, because they didn't really have that many schools, after all everything you needed to learn you learned in church right. So on that note I say if you want a theocracy please enjoy your rapture. I am going to enjoy my schools, scientific method and the hopes of resurgent interest in our space program so we can find some intelligent life out there amongst the stars. For those of you left behind on the 21 with out the balls to do something about it, I am going to say keep the religion out of politics or prepare to have those churches start paying taxes, and those taxes are funding the new space program.

Ron Burgundy I miss you man,..

The news is outstanding. It was what I miss the most about being overseas really. Seriously how could I miss the repeating themes of huggie bear anti what ever rating grabbing stories that people claim to be the news. This goes on both sides of the fence, the left and the right. I am hearing about things that show how fucking stupid we have become. You know I watched three different new shows this morning alone. Not one mention to the troops preparing to leave Iraq, the soldiers still fighting in Afghanistan, the bombs in Libya, the chaos on the Ivory coast, civil unrest all over the middle east, and the fact that Pakistan has nuclear capabilities and was reportedly oblivious to the fact they had the leader of a group found on hate and terror living in the burbs of their capitol.

I watched a 30 minute segment on a lady who was drugged out and had a seizure and killed a family of five while driving. It was almost a whole segment in between commercials. I really do not care for those details. No really no sarcasm. I want my news to be my news, and not flavored by the opinions of people I do not value. Seriously who are they to decide the manner in which I receive my news and why the hell do we put up with the news they give us. Why do we like being spoon fed what we are told to watch eat and consume.

The left taints their news and focus on stories to make the right look bad. Its propaganda that would make Nazi Germany proud. The right has resorted to short selling facts and numbers to make the left look bad. I would never let any of them write a speech or do my accounting. Hate is spun from both sides and you know what I say fuck them both. Seriously I do not want to live in the world that either of them are painting, and I think they are douche bags for not doing their job. Report the news, tell me what is going on in the world I live, and I don't need your opinion on it, that editorial not news.

I want to have a good global view so I can make up my own mind. I want to know who means us harm. I want to know where the soldier part of my life might take me next. I want to know what is the concerns around the globe and I want to know what people think of our mass marketed, corn fed, blinder wearing, thoughtless lobotomized culture. I do not want your spin, the sugar coating, and I don't need to feel good about being a fat lazy consumer of the drivel you shovel out. I do not need Jerry Springer as an anchor.

So I am going to search for news. I am really do not care if Justin Beiber is an ass hat. He is not going to blow me up though he might get me blown up. Charlie Sheen is an entertainer, and he is entertaining us but he is not fucking news. Britney Spears or any of those other mass produced cookie cutter mind puppet pop stars have no real impact on your life, so who cares if they flash a beaver shot during a drunken escapade?

If you think this rant has no substance, I say name one soldier that died this weekend any where in the world. Then tell me where you found it. Watch a news segment and tell me what you learned about it and what you learned from it. Tell me how it effected your life and what it really had to do with anything. Think for yourself people, this is part of the great war on stupid. Get out there, get your news and understand hwo it can and will effect you.

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

So here I am on my couch at 0530 on the first day I absolutely do not have to get up early. Its freakishly cold, as I am sitting on my couch listening the rhythmic sounds of my wife's snoring. I have managed to get my warmest robe on, and cocoon into not one but two snuggies, and I am still fricking cold. Its okay though, because I am rested and ready to face the day. Which got me thinking about a few other things I noticed since I have returned from the lands of Lawrence. Yeah I notice colors more, I even fixate on the more vivid ones. I notice the people walking around not wearing green. I also notice women, half naked women, with lots of jiggly bits. Aside from that I have also been noticing some pussy ass pansy people.

Now I am not saying that my little trip out to that useless piece of land tucked between Africa and Asia like a dingle berry on a planetary scale had anything to do with my hypersensitivity to the detection of weak willed persons, but it didn't hurt. So becasue of the slight case of insomnia inspired literary seizures I am going to commit to paper an idea I was thinking for a workshop. "How not to be a douche 101" by me.

I know in life a lot of issues people have could be solved in direct proportion to the amount of spine, or sack they bring to the game. Sure cutting down on the drama helps to, but I think the the key to eliminating issues from your life, and building a good sense of self esteem in a direct relation to your ability to stand up for yourself, others, and what you believe in. I have seen several examples of this in a short period of time. Hell I haven't even been back a week.

So on this I am going to give a few examples of how having Hamster proportion testicles (or chesticals for the ladies) will aid you in life and help you accomplish something others don't get typically. It will truly help you find happiness and doing it with your self esteem healthy happy whole and not cowering the corner like a beat dog.

First I want to touch on relationships. I am not talking about the generic interactions that you have with friends, coworkers, or the mailman (well maybe for some it could be the mailman, but not typical outside of porn). I am talking about a deeper relation, that one that leads to you having a soul mate, life partner, husband, wife, or what ever handle you want to put on the person that you want to sleep with and talk to afterward on a continuous basis. Having some fortitude here is so important. In order for something like this to be healthy it really truly needs to be a partnership. It needs to be something that is equal that you give as much as you get, and not just in the sack.

I am a partner in life with my wife. We walk side by side through life, not one in front or behind the other. We achieved this by being direct and honest with each other from the start. Neither of us where looking for a relationship, we where totally fricking happy being single, and did not NEED anyone or anything to make us feel complete. We did not settle for someone that would give us part of equation, and we do not need each other to be complete. We do this by understanding that we are sharing our lifes with each other, but we also understand that we both are bringing a whole and complete person to the table.

So having the strength of a wet sponge, and letting one person dictate every aspect of a relationship does not work for me. If I wanted someone that would listen to my every command, depend on me for their happiness, food, or life actions I would get a dog. On that note it is not healthy to be the dog either. You will not get the relationship you are looking for or the happiness you deserve if you have to have it to live, or to complete you.

The next thing that can help you be happy is standing up for yourself and those you love. There was a dude that was actually looking to say something to me. I knew it, I could see it in his eyes. I had called out his family, his wife and his sister on some bullshit. I spoke my mind about something, and I also spoke my heart. In process a weaker willed crazy person took offense to what I said. They generated some drama around it, to get some attention that their daddy didn't give them. I did not sugar coat a single word, nor did I back down and I guess it hurt their feelings. Not that I really gave a fuck about that, I say what I say because in my world it works out better that way.

Now that was not the issue of spine. The issue here was the first chance encounter where we met face to face after I had gotten home. I could see the challenge in his eyes. I gave him a chance to stand up for his wife and his sister. I could tell he was waiting for me to apologize, and not that I was going to at all, but he would not, or could not even ask for me to do so for his own friends and family. I lost a bit of respect for him there. I am also sure it was eating at him, and it obviously bothered him.

You know you can actually be happy by not running from confrontation. I am not saying turn into a knuckle dragging neanderthal and bash the crap out of people that piss you off. I am saying though that you will feel better if you can stand up for what you believe in, or stand up for the people you love. You keep shit bottled up and the only person it effects is you, but if you get it out it might actually effect the person who is the cause. I would have had some respect for the situation if he had just spoke his mind. However as it turns out he didn't and he will go back to his family still holding that in, and it might even be the topic of discussion amongst those that felt offended. So they hold on to that negative crap.

This is purely observation by the way. I am not going to carry this around for myself. I don't think people understand that I am not apathetic, I actually do care. I just care in a way I think is more effective. I do not care about the crap that I think does not matter. I also do not care about people who are not worth my time. Life is much better when you are not a weak willed douche bag. So take some time to find pride in yourself. Take time to understand that you don't NEED anyone to be a better person, and its better if you can share your life with someone from a position of happy healthy strength. If you don't stand for anything you will fall for everything.

Garden of Eden

Let me define home, since I have finally returned. Home is where people deal with you. Home is where people love you, even if they hate some of the things you do. Home is a safe spot, but not a physical safe. Emotionally safe is what home is all about. Home is where you get the attention you deserve not the attention you desire. Home is a good place that many people do not pay a proper respect to, and often abuse it.


How many of us have pushed hard to be noticed by those we care about? How many of us assume that others even care about us? What does that say about us if we are so desperate to require the attentions of the people we care about, but feel we are not getting enough? We all know the situation, and I am sure if you have your second set of teeth you have at least seen one child lashing out in public in a manner that is inappropriate, just to get attention. They get the attention they want, even if some people say it is negative attention.

We also abuse our home with negativity. You can and should vent your frustrations when you are safe at home but watch the line between being a whiny little hooker and someone just letting off some steam. People will listen to your troubles, but you have to understand its not a one up game. Having worse issues then the rest of your family does not mean you deserve more attention. Because that is a false perception. I mean really is your life that bad that you deserve to be the center of attention. There are already so many bitchy diva's out there.

Home is about family, and it may not be one physical location that we call our house. It could be something as large as a neighborhood, a town, a state, or even a country. The levels of intimacy will vary depending on the space it is contained in, with the strength being stronger as it is more heavily concentrated. It is a garden that you must cultivate, tend to and keep the weeds out of. If you want to eat the fruits of your labor, you will know if the labor was worth it by the taste of your harvest.

So tend the home garden. Bullshit is not the best fertilizer. Weeds need to be pulled because they steal from the stuff that's good for you. Pest should be dealt with. The soil must be tended. Essentially you will get out of it what you put into it, and if you take to much out you won't have anything left to eat when you are really hungry.

So in closing and summing up my personal reflections; It takes work and contribution to make something a home, and being a weed means you are taking and taking without putting in real effort. If you put in negative stuff, expect negative results. If you use bullshit to help things grow you will taste it everything you get from that home garden. So put in the effort with your friends and family without expectation of reward to get the best out of it. Demands mean nothing to a tomato plant, water, nutrients and sun do. Think about that. A ho is a tool, not something to eat. You want love don't look to your tools.