Every now and then you get some random
thought or idea from the world around you. You look at the way the
people see the world, and that glimpse from a different set of eyes
offers you something. You get to see the world with another set of
senses. You can see it from a way another person sees it, and even if
the view is close to yours, it will always be different. It is not
right or wrong, it just simply is. So here I am working on school
work, reviewing notes, and watching my thoughts shift. I would like
to think I gathered a unique insight for myself. This view point
added to mine gave that little nugget of knowledge. Knowledge of
course is the great tool of life after all.
So trying to formulate my thoughts into
coherent sentences in regards to my presentation on Wednesday, I have
come up with the argument I will need to present. You see most people
are incapable of being happy for more than a short period of time. It
is not their fault either. They do what most good people do and they
strive to hold to values that they are conditioned with. They seek
what they are told will give them happiness. They fortify the beliefs
that those items will make them happy because they perceive others as
being happy. They hold to ideas that have worked for others, and
ignore what could work for them.
We are taught early on to seek external
validation. We chase that carrot on a stick. Instead of being pleased
by our own efforts, we find a brief second of joy in the praise or
attentions of other people. While this is not an unhealthy thing, we
start to make it unhealthy with conditioning. Its starts with our
parents, or parental figures offering us attention or affection for
doing a good job. Over the course of our life it is evolved and
altered to a point that it becomes unhealthy and limits our ability
to hold and sustain a period of happiness longer then a few moments.
Joy overcomes us in little steps. It is the applause of the audience
after a performance, or the envious gaze our neighbor gives us when
we step out of our new car. Our happiness is linked to the external
validation of others.
Over time this seeps deep into our
thought process, and even now with thought, it is hard for us to
separate the conditioning from our own inner desires. It is when you
can see those things and except your own inner process that you can
truly attain freedom. In gaining that freedom you get two things,
personal responsibility and the ability to sustain happiness. Look
to your thoughts, and really tear into them. Ask yourself are they
your own, or merely the reflection of conditioning you have received
from society. Does that huge house on the hill make you happy? If it
does, why? Is it because the house measures you against others? Is
it because somebody else desires it? Is it because you saw somebody
else appear to be happy in a similar house? Maybe it just makes you
happy because it appeases a desire that is your own, and not the
standards that others have imposed on you.
This process starts simply. Step one is
you have to stop caring more about the needs, desires, or standards
of others. This is not say that you have to abandon morality, but
rather abandon yourself to your sense of self. We are all hardwired
to tell something is good or bad, and while something may give off
the perception of being good, our gut will tell us if this self
destructive. Then and only then can you start the process of personal
validation. Then you can truly be free, and free to pursue your own
happiness. You are not happy, not because you have not achieved the
standards and requirements established by others, but rather you will
not allow it. You are not happy because you are in conflict with
yourself. You have to much noise in your head to think. You have to
let go of the noise, and listen to your voice. Conventions and norms
are for the normal, and none of us are normal. That is a statistical
improbability.
In this quest to be self validating you
will also find you are better to those in your community. Through
being selfish in some areas, you will find that being selfless is
easier as well. I can now serve my community better, because I am not
bringing bullshit or baggage to the table, but rather making a
meaningful and valid contribution. I do not need their approval, and
through that, I will receive it. Think of this in the basic terms of
human desire. We associate happiness with that basic emotion called
love. How can you give or receive love to another person if you can
not love yourself? If you can not love yourself, then how can you
even be aware of what it is in the first place? If you hate or
despise yourself, and can not offer yourself unconditional love, all
you have is codependency wrapped in social lusting.
It is not an easy thing to deal with
with the bombardment of self debasing bullshit we are buried under
every day. Art is valued by its dollar value. Movies are judged by
how well they do in the box office. Appearance is part style, and
style is typically what clothing did you spend your money on. These
external consumer things offer us the praise of others, and that
praise feels good. We push to be noticed and forgo the personal joys
that we can and should allow ourselves. We stop ourselves from
enjoying the things that make us happy or comfortable, simply because
nobody noticed the event, commented on our clothing, or told us what
we cooked tasted good. It is not enough to be happy with our own
creation or expression. It is because of this that we are unhappy,
and can only experience being happy in small doses, and even that
fleeting happiness is hollow.
So for one day try to accept your own
satisfaction. Try to do the things that make you happy regardless of
the praise or condemnation of others. Dress how you wish to dress,
and dance like no one is watching. Free yourself from that crushing
pressure of standards you will never live up too, or those desires
that belong to other people. Do what makes you happy, and do it with
a smile, knowing that as the center of your own universe it is only
your opinion that matters. It is only your love that you need. It is
only your desires that you can fulfill. When this happens you will
find that all of the rest will just fucking happen.
You never find love if you look for it.
So when you stop looking outward, someone worth loving will come to
you. Others will praise you, because you are not seeking their love.
You community will enjoy your prosperity with you. That smile you
offer will become contagious. You lack of external judgment will gain
your the affection of others, and they won't even be sure or know why
they are happy to be around you. Essentially the grass is only
greener on the others side of the fence because you are not watering
your own lawn. Friends like to visit friends that have a clean and
interesting house. How clean is your own house? How much baggage do
you have laying around that you are simple not willing to get rid of.
It is your choice to be happy, and it does not lie in the hands of
another living soul.
Some would say you speak of the Devil with all that "satisfy yourself" nonsense. lol
ReplyDelete"Abandon yourself to your sense of self". I love it and might just steal that one (with the necessary acknowledgment, of course).
One of the things people are conditioned to ignore is that we are inherently selfish. Selfishness is survival and those who are not selfish perish whether by the hand of others or by their own hand, and by that I am speaking strictly metaphorically right now.
Survivors obviously will seize upon your weakness and exploit it. The evil ones do it deliberately while the good ones do it less dramatically and often unintentionally. It's just the flow of life. If you aren't moving and watching your step in the process you just become another stepping stone.
This seems off subject, but it's possibly the very core of the problem you're seeing. We are conditioned to please others and seek our pleasure in the approval (pleasing) of others. It doesn't take too much insight to see the self-destructive and codependent path this leads to. Thus we get homes that are too expensive to afford and millions of people on unemployment because they just can't bear to reduce their standard of living to something less while still working for it.
Kids don't have this problem. They see the world as it is. I like you if you have something for me if nothing other than you don't hurt me (abused kids experience a very twisted sense of "security" as defined by their abusers). Obviously, this mindset quickly leads to slavery as adults if we don't learn to PURSUE happiness beyond just secure living (in this sense we are regressing as a society).
In "loving" relationships we sense something greater than our measurable benefits. That's a whole different spiritual discussion.
Anyway, I might just expand on this in my own blog entry, damn it!
You got it, and very much on topic. I look at it as our motivation comes from an external reward, simply through conditioning to feel that the internal award is not enough. Some how we place little value on our own judgement as to what makes us happy. In this aspect though, we find a greater good given to the community we are a part of if we ourselves can be whole and content. We all have purpose in life, but that purpose is as varied as the individual. So it is only through SELF confidence that we can find that purpose, become in-tune with it, and accept our personal path in life. Then and only then can we accept those honored roles of external validation, such as a teacher, a lover, or a community servant. The only reason for this is our motivation is then more pure. We do not seek the gratification that are are given, but rather do the task because we know it need be done. This is how looking into the self we find how to be selfless through selfish reward.
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