Lost in thought my mind has been racing the last few days. I have gone through spectrum of rage and betrayal to the extremes of self doubt. I mean who are these people to question my sanity and control over my emotions. Who are these people to lay an assault upon those I call family. Who are these others that are part of my social compatriots to tell me that I am over the top, and make them feel uncomfortable. Why are these people who not a few days before where fanning the flames of apparently unfetter wrath, now do not like the heat? Is my rage that wanton, and consuming that it is in control of me? Am I really this beast to be feared and only brought out when needed, then quickly put away. I am too be stored for controlled use and then cast off when no longer needed?
I can assure though that I am in control of my higher cognitive functions. I can assure that while I am able to express my rage, my rage is not in control of me or my actions. However I would argue that it cold logic that drives my motives, and that is not what troubles people. I think what troubles people is something else entirely. This is the age old societal question of what to do with the soldier when the war is over. It is not because of the fear of the soldier turning on their master, but the fear of actually having to share in the moral weight of their actions.
Most people are inclined and will accept the rewards of others sacrifice. They will not object to abusing the freedom that their soldiers provide for them. They do not question the security. They do not question the protected trade lanes. They do not question their ability to express themselves on a corner. They accept that they are happy they do not have to worry about tanks rolling over them in Tienanmen Square. They like the voice that they are afforded. They know that Democracy is the worst form of government with the exception of all other forms of government.
The issue they have is the violence. They love what that violence, or threat of violence can provide for them. What they do not like is to dwell on the violence. They do not want to personify the violence. They do not want to know that the violence done on their behalf has a face. They do not want anger to shake up their tranquility or privilege. They just want their tranquility and privilege. It is that whole issue of the blanket of freedom that Jack Nicholas brought to our attention on that silver screen.
It is almost like the very concept of aggression is enough to turn someones stomach, and install a primal fear. Most people I know have never had to fight, I mean physically fight for anything in their life. They have never had to assault with great violence in order to secure something for themselves or family. That could be security, or the perception of security, none the less they have never really had to fight for anything. People talk about the struggle and fight they have offered through out their life, but they really had nothing to lose. They had their rights, their civility, and rarely was their life ever really in danger.
So when they see the passion and resolve and the deep heat of violent action it is abhorrent to them. It is hard for them to process, and they fear that primal need. They do not know what a real fight is, and they are afraid to see it. They do not want the knowledge of this great violence to take away their innocence. They just want to accept that what they have is provided and they do not want to understand how it is provided. Bad people go away. They do not want to think of the process that goes into making that bad person go away.
Their rights are protected and that is enough for most.
Then there are those rare few that have had to use their own action to enforce those liberties for the masses, or even for themselves. Those rare few that understand that there is action that creates this situation. They understand it is not an novel or video game. They understand that violence is all around us. It is woven into our very existence and way of life. They understand that they are feared. They understand that while people are threatened they are celebrated, but when the venom of splashes on them they can not interpret what it is, and immediately are repulsed by it.
There is a reason so few people are doers. It is not because the majority are lazy. I am sure that is part of that equation but its not the only part. The other part is people are happy to hold onto their innocence or their perceived innocence. They do not want to sacrifice it because it is not something you can undo. It is like virginity. Once it is gone its gone. You can't unscrew a light bulb and all that. I can understand that. I can understand not wanting to see it or have to deal with the objectionable behavior of violence.
I said I can understand it, but it does not mean I am going to hide my ability to use violence, aggression or the ability to do what needs to be done. It is part of who I am, and it was long before I joined the military. I see things that are wrong, and know that I must speak out against them, because others won't. I speak whats on my mind because I feel it is the only moral choice. If you sit by and watch someone have there liberties violated then you might as well light the damn fire yourself.
If you really abhor violence that much then ask yourself why you celebrate so much. You think you don't celebrate it or its results, look at the last three movies you watched. How many of them celebrated the use and positive influence of violence. Even in reluctant use of violence the results are celebrated. Hell Harry Potter was rejoiced when he finally killed he who should not be named. There was rage on both sides of that fight. It was all for good reasons though, and the mugols need not be exposed to the violence. They just get to enjoy the freedoms that violence provided.
Well this concept is a part of who I am. If you want to be a mugol, stay away from me. I am okay with fighting and being visible and vocal in that fight. It is what I do. It was what I know. I am not a virgin, and I do not want to go back. Just because you can not process the action I can perform it is not my issue. Thank you very much for reading this. I hope that it at least entertained you. I am a good dancing monkey. I will go back in the alley now.