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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

check check, is this thing on?

Cowards are everywhere. They make up the vast majority of the planet actually. You might even be one. This is an epidemic that has occurred in human nature, since humans lived in nature. Its okay though there is a cure. There is a chance for the cowards out there. Its a simple program that involves the use of the occasional drug, in conjunction with an intensive therapy program. There is hope.

You having trouble talking with people you are in relationships with? You back down rather then tell them they are hurting you, holding you back or hurting you? You having trouble keeping their attention with your meek whiny ass constantly backing down into a corner? Or maybe you are having trouble finding that special someone to begin with because the thought of talking to them gives you warm feeling in your crotch? Is your warm feeling you urinating yourself?

Having trouble getting that promotion? Boss having trouble noticing you at work because you won't take credit for what you do? Coworkers not having that problem? Taking credit for what you do? Those raises come with to much responsibility and that makes you want to throw up? Well we have a solution for you. You may need to start on this program with at least three shots of your favor liquid courage (alcohol dumb ass). Eventually you won't need it, if you follow the rest of the program.

First and foremost, grow a pair. You can grow a spine if you prefer, some people have issues carrying a pair of brass balls. It takes skill to walk with confidence when you are toting around a huge set of perfect brass balls. Some people even prefer steel balls. I am a fan of the brass balls, because they do not spark when I walk. I know there is always a fire ban, and I try to do my part.

You may be asking yourself right now, how do you grow a pair? or a spine if you really love your vagina. That's cool tool because I would like the chance to love your vagina too. Well step one to do this with out the use of the liquid courage is to get the fuck over yourself. Once you realize that you are not that special, precious, or unique it gets easier. You are a cog in the machine. However you can be a big ass cog with a nice huge pair of shiny brass balls.

Second step is to speak you mind. If you do not say what you are thinking you can't blame those around you for doing the exact opposite of what you want them to do. If you really want your partner to tongue punch your fart box, that is something you have to state. Most people will not offer that or do it without prompting. I know I would not do it without prompting period, but hey if you don't ask you just mope every time someone doesn't do it. That's right you have a mouth, and a mind use them or keep getting used.

Third on this list of recovery is to back your shit up. If you finally open your pie hole and use it for something other then shoveling out whiny self debasing drivel, back it up. If you say that you are going to do something you damn well better. Your balls grow in the eyes of others when you back your shit up. They also get a little more shiny as your ability to back your word up grows. If you say you will quit, walk away, or break it off if this, this, or this, is not met, then break it off when they don't do it.

Stop being a door mat, nobody likes to wipe their feet off on a pair if HUGE shiny balls. Hell they don't even like kicking them because it hurts their toes. You also do not know if you can do something until you try it. Hell you might be surprised as to what you can do and what people will do if you state what you want and do what you need to do to make it happen. SO grab your sack Jack and get out of the herd.

1 comment:

  1. This is awesome, Jesse!! I agree wholeheartedly that not enough people let 'em drop and stand up for themselves. Too many people lack fortitude to open their mouths and then when they do, they can't back it up. Great blog!!