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Monday, June 20, 2011

Impressions are made when you fall real far.

I recently had some ask me if I was really that conservative, or as level as I claim to be. It made me think a bit, and the first thing I thought was fuck you. Who are you to question my identity. Then I gave it thought, as to why this person thought I was something that I am not, or at least do not see myself as. I started thinking about how many of us do the same thing. How big of a difference is our perception of self from the observations of others.

I know what goes on in my head. I know what is in my thoughts, not many people are privy to that intel. I keep that to myself and only those deep in inner circle of trust. That inner circle is very limited and even then, those that are in it only get small views on a need to know basis. If I do this I am sure many other people do.

So I have decided to make a small change in my life, and stop looking at people by one action, or even my interactions with them. I do not know their thoughts or their motivations. I do not know what their intentions truly are, so I am not going to pretend to know. However I am going to lay judgment on those static things in their life. For example a guy who claims to be a hard worker may be just that, but if they are pawning their goods, or begging for cash to make rent then maybe that perception is a bit off.

You can tell a lot about people by their friends, and the trust they get form those friends. Do they gather friends in mass, or are they picky about who they spend time with? That can tell you a bit about their values, like do they take their word seriously or are they a social whore. So in that its a bit hard to judge or measure a person without some thought on your part.

I ask people perceptions about me. Most people seem to think I am always angry. They seem to think I am a bit of hot head. That is cool they feel that way, but truth be told I am rarely angry anymore. I rarely raise my voice, and in these last few years I have raise my hands even less. I think the issue is that people are not in my head and do not know what is going on. I am not a violent man, but I also have no issues using it. People get that confused all the time. Think about being a gun owner, you need to know how to clean your gun, how to use it safely, and you need to know where to keep it. A responsible gun owner hopes they never have to pull a gun to defend themselves, but they know how to use it just in case.

Of the people on here that think they know me I would pose a few questions to you that may make you think about judging other people quickly. How many of you know how many fights I have gotten into over the years? How many of those occurred after I was 18? How many cars have I wrecked in my life, and of those how many after I turned 18? How many years have I worked in medicine. What was my first career goal in high school? What have I gone to school for? What things reflect best on your judgment of me?


  1. I'm just getting to know you myself. I sense a lot of anger in your words. Not from a violence perspective. Just that sometimes your word choices come across as angry. As example, you said you thought "Fuck you." When someone asked if you were as conservative and as level as you claim to be. That's an angry response. It almost comes across as defensive.

    I don't think it's meant as a judgment... at least not in the sense that I'm judging you. It's more perception. You make an excellent point about no one being able to know what is going on in your head. It's true for all of us. We can only share our perceptions of what you share with us, either here on this blog or in person. Some would take that as an opportunity to judge you. Others are simply trying to communicate with you. It is all in how you choose to perceive that communication. That is true for all of us.

  2. Well sweet miss thang, you are not the only one to say that, or see that. I understand my language can be harsh, and that I am blunt, but that does not make me angry. A vast majority of the time I am actually very very content with life in general. My issue is I do not like to waste time where it does not need to be wasted. There is a time and place for wasting time after all.

    I can be harsh, so my language reflects that. While I understand the power of words, and I do choose my words carefully, I use what I use for a reason and only give power to the those words I choose to give power too.

  3. I haven't known you very long, nor do I consider myself to know you very well. Do I enjoy your perspective and interesting views on subjects...yes. Do I enjoy your company and do I think you help to make me a better person by challenging my knowledge, thoughts and ideas....yes. So in the end I just count myself lucky to have you be a part of my life. That may be mushy and crappy, but it's true. I will probably never be able to answer those questions about you...but I still count you friend.

  4. Simple answer: my perception of you is that you are worth my time to associate with you. I expect you feel the same about me. The details don't really matter much because nothing stands out that says I should feel otherwise. They are interesting when they reveal themselves, but we are the sum of our details. Only a few would matter enough to affect that.

    Case in point: I was an acquaintance with a police officer with whom I had considered going into business with at one point. Seemed to be a decent enough guy. Hell, he was a police officer, right? Recently, he was arrested for pedophilia. I believe his bail was increased from $25,000 to something like $500,000 a few days after his arrest once all the initial evidence was submitted. Details like that are kind of important to take note of.

    In general, though, I find most people who are concerned with the details are too uncomfortable with their own and looking for a distraction. They are gossipy and not particularly trustworthy in a relationship. Think "Survivor".

  5. That being said, I understand your curiosity, but I don't expect this subject to consume you.

  6. Kat I will sum my whole response to you with two words, Thank You. Foundersten you are absolutely right. However I am going share those statistics with the readers becasue I said I would, and I am curious to know what some responses would be.

    How many of you know how many fights I have gotten into over the years? Well this is simple, I landed in the military in the early nineties to avoid the repercussions of my thirteenth assault and battery charge. Most of my close friends in high school where not even aware of how many I had but I will say that one was my first as an adult. Now those where only the ones the cops caught me at.

    How many of those occurred after I was 18? I have been in over twenty fights since I turned eighteen, not counting ones with my brothers. Of those fights only one was in the last decade.

    How many cars have I wrecked in my life, and of those how many after I turned 18? I have wrecked four cars in my life, and all of them where before I turned 18. Yep four cars totaled in two years. I was a fucked up angry kid.

    How many years have I worked in medicine. With military and civil careers tallied I have worked 14 years as a car giver, and have treated far more people then I hit, even when I was a kid.

    What was my first career goal in high school? Believe it or not this formally wholesome Catholic kid was going to go to seminary. I was serious about being a priest and devoting myself to God, rather then spend my life drinking whoring and fighting. Found out though I really like the drinking whoring and fighting.

    What have I gone to school for? Because I wanted to :) Seriously I have a degree in Biz Dev, Biology, Anatomical Studies, some forensics floating around and almost seven years of med school under my belt. I am ready to pursue another degree in writing though, because it seems more fun.