Today I came to a conclusion as I am plugging away at my school work. One assignment is to write a poem about our desires and wishes. Part of it is to introduce to the rest of the class who you are, and what are your dreams. In this I started to wonder what my dreams are and really give a deep thought to what I want to do with the rest of my life. I starting thinking about relations, aspirations, innovations, and all those things that give our life value. I polished a few thoughts I already had, and even found a few new ones hiding in the dusty cupboard of my mind. I found my personal goal in life and defined it in one word. That one word is not the definition most people would accept but it is my word none the less. That word is of course balance. I wish to be balanced.
I understand to be a good person you have to balance the selfish with the selfless. You have to understand yourself in order to offer something to your community. I understand that you really can not love others until you love yourself. I also understand the greatest experiences you can get out of life are those emotional moments. Good or bad, it is not just love, but also hate. Grief and joy color all the moments we remember, and it is memory that we carry into the next life. It is also those moments that we share with our family and friends, it is these moments that we leave behind. It is those moments that we can only hope they understand and learn from.
So in that balance that means you take the good and the bad. You have no options in this if you wish you live a full life. Think of the events in your life as polish. When you polish something you need friction to smooth it, and friction can cause irritation and discomfort. It is that friction that keeps us warm, it is the warmth of desire and pushes us forward. That irritation teaches us what lesson we need to learn in life, and in it we learn to appreciate comfort. This is why our desires change as we get older, instead of seeking those events and those life choices that cause irritation we look for those things that bring us comfort. You see the more polished you are the less you need to go out and shine. People get blinded just sitting next to you on the porch swing.
So in that I have figured I need a bit more polish, not because I do not shine enough, but because I do not shine as much as I should. I am not so worried about what others think or need as I am about what experiences I have yet to enjoy. So in doing this I can offer so much more from my family and friends. I also get to see how smooth I can get. I plan to be like an aged single malt scotch by the time I am ready for the porch swing. Right now I am happy just being a smooth criminal.
So lets not get wrapped up so much in the limitations that people like to place on you to fulfill their need to be rough and untouched when they die. I will let my judgment smooth itself out by trying things and listening to my gut tell me what is right and what is wrong. I am more apt to trust my polish then the rough untried surface of someone wrapped up hiding from life. No one remembers the quarry, but everyone talks about the statues. So you go gather moss, I am gonna go run around and enjoy life. I am going to do it on my terms, good and bad. I am not so worried about what the right wing conservatives feel about adventurous scandalous behavior, and I am not going to give shit about how the liberals feel about me not giving all I can to their cause or pool. I am breaking out from the herd, because I don't make wool, I make the sunshine, and the stars twinkle. I am a diamond in the rough.